Mormons are all the same in Stories to bide the time.

We have these neighbors that are Mormon, and we’ve been pretty good friends with them over the last couple of years, but starting in August the husband has started saying some shit that is just pissing me off.

At my son’s birthday party in August we brought a ton of balloons in trash bags, because then we’d have balloons and also trash bags, and I was kind of joking around with him like, “Yeah, we brought the balloons in trash bags because it’s the classiest way to transport balloons” and he was like, “Oh yeah, because when I think of you the first thing that comes to mind is definitely ‘Classy’“. It was one of those great backhanded passive aggressive things that people say where they don’t just outright say, “Oh I think you’re a garbage person”.

But they’re not classy…I mean the dude pretty much only wears super hero shirts and shorts. Which is totally cool with me, but yeah…it’s not like he’s walking around in a suit and a benz all the time. He’s just your average dorky dude. So I kind of let it roll off.

I had a week off last week, and we went up to Orange County to just get out of SD for a while and enjoy the beaches and friends and family. We had talked about maybe going to Catalina Island, but nothing definite. Then, earlier this week he was like, “How was Catalina?” I was like, “Well, the tickets were way more expensive than I remember and the last boat back to mainland was too late because we wanted to go to dinner with my parents, and figured a day trip of it wasn’t worth it. We didn’t plan it out well enough.” He was like, “OOOOOHHHH the Goodmans not planning well? Well that’s a shock!”

And then his wife got super embarrassed and was like, “Well it’s just that he lives with me and I have to plan everything like 10 months in advance. I wish we could be more like you guys and just go with the flow. Whatever is cool is cool.”

I was like…okay…I guess so. But still pissed off at this point.

Then last night, I got off work and decided to go take a walk around the neighborhood, a long walk, because I have been cooped up inside pretty much all week, and the night before I was working until 2am trying to get our latest version of the app ready for production.

So I’m walking around and I pass a liquor store and I’m like, “I’m going to get a bottle of wine for my walk, that sounds nice.”

So now I’m walking around, brown bagging a bottle of wine (I know, super classy right?) And suddenly our neighbors drive by and give me a honk, but I have my headphones in and didn’t really respond. Then, the husband texts me and is like, “Norrie (their daughter) was wondering why were honking at a bum. Haha. She thought you were a bum.”

Now, granted there are a lot of homeless people in our area…but like…I have a nice haircut, my beard is trimmed, I’m in my SD zipup with basketball shorts and flip flops on…like did I really look like a homeless person, or are Mormon’s just incapable of not judging people for living their life differently from themselves?

They see a dude brown bagging it and their like, “Oh yeah, that guy is homeless.”

Like…one time I was at a thanksgiving dinner with some Mormon relatives and this dude who married into the family was like, “I’m just so grateful to be with family on this Thanksgiving day. So many people don’t have family. I saw this man walking out of the grocery store with a 12 pack of beer and I was just…so sad that he was going to spend the holiday alone drinking. I’m so grateful for my family.”

So…this dude bought a 12 pack (which is a pretty good indicator that maybe he’s going to be sharing beers with people on Thanksgiving) and you just automatically assume he lives a lonely life with no friends or family?

I dunno…I have been really cool about not Mormon bashing our neighbors. I truly believe that people have the right to worship however they want to whoever or whatever they want. It really doesn’t bother me at all. But now I’m at this point where I’m like, “Am I stupid for thinking I could have Mormon friends?” It’s stupid right? It has to be stupid. Just because they can believe whatever they want to believe doesn’t mean I have to let it into my life.

My father in law is staying with us and he’s like, “Well…drinking your liquor in a brown bag is the courteous thing to do when you’re out walking about, isn’t it?”

I’m like, “No, obviously people shouldn’t be drinking at all, and if they do drink they need to be doing it in private where no one can see their secret shame…but also, if you drink alone in secret then you’re an alcoholic. But if you drink infront of people, you’re homeless. So…maybe just don’t drink. It makes god sad.”

Anyway.
venting
Whatever man.
Shit’s weak.
Thanks for listening.
I love you tons and I hope you get to feeling better soon.
This may be the end of the world, but we can make the most of it as it all falls apart.
Chin up.
Death isn’t that scary.

• Dane