THREE MONTHS ON NOVEMBER in ANXIETY AND ME

SUNDAY 14TH DECEMBER 2014

So I’m into my second month
Still not gone back to work but on a good note the fluoxetine I’m on suits me better
I’m still struggling to get a good night sleep but the banging headaches and the sickness have stopped so that’s a bonus

I have managed to do some damage to my shoulder by coming a pisser down a grass bank in the dark and landing heavily on my shoulder. I don’t think its broken because I can move it around but it hurts like hell
And at my last doctors appointment to discus how I’m feeling and to get another prescription for fluoxetine with get another doctor who like the last one listened to me but just seemed disinterested
He did offer me counselling which I’m still waiting for an appointment for and signed me off for a month
I told him about my shoulder and all he offered my was some ibuprofen jell to rub on my should cant see it making any difference but I will still use it

I felt still do feel at a loss. I feel as thou nobody listens to me or understands how I feel and I cant even begin to start to explain how I feel to anybody because I struggle to find the right words

At the beginning of November I had a mass invasion of council workers. The council had granted me a new kitchen woo hoo (or so I thought)
So after spending a whole Sunday boxing everything up and moving everything out of the kitchen I was looking forward for the work to Begin

Now if this had happened any other time I would have classed it as an adventure I would have worked round it adapted but not this time
The freezer was in the living room fridge in the hall everything we used for cooking in and eating off were boxed up so you couldn’t find anything on top of that I had groups of men traipsing in out of my house. They didn’t bother me it was the fact that where ever anybody went the dragged dust and crap all over the house no matter how hard the work men or me tried to clean up

My stress levels wen through the roof
I couldn’t think straight couldn’t find anything so got so stressed and annoyed and lost my temper
I was having panic attacks and hyperventilating
Felt sick had headaches and sat and cried
And that was only the first week but as time went by and my kitchen began to look more like a kitchen and I had got use to the mess my anxiety got less and less
However my mom and my sister said for the first week I looked ill couldn’t see it my self but didn’t feel right

About the same time as the kitchen grumpy old man’s mother had a fall at the home she was in and broke her hip She was taken to hospital to have an operation the get it fixed where she would stay for a week
But she has Alzheimer’s it made nursing her difficult
She didn’t know where she was and was frightened and agitated by the nurses and doctors coming to care for her
She stopped eating and drinking and stopped taking her medication, She ended up with a chest infection and went down hill rapidly
Grumpy old man and his brother went to the hospital every other day along with various relatives who took them
After a month of being in hospital she went back to the home but she got no better she still wasn’t eating drinking or taking her medication but she didn’t want for anything there as the staff took it in turns to care for her and even though she was in bed she was never left alone
The staff were always there her friend in the home who was in the same boat as her would often call into see her and they would sit and talk bollocks together and grumpy old man his brother and other members of the family came daily to see her

All this took its toll on grumpy old man Having depression and not taking any medication for it isn’t fun for either of us and apart from having to deal with my own problems I had to deal with his mood swings and being ignored most of the time so home at the time isn’t were I really wanted to be

And on top of that we have only 3 weeks till Christmas and I’ve bought nothing no food no drink and no presents but the Christmas tree and decorations are up and although my house looks very festive I’m really not feeling in the Christmas mood and that’s not like me
I love Christmas always have had and the closer it get the more exited I am I’m worse than a little kid
but not this year whether its to do with my anxiety and or tablets I’m just really not feeling it and for the first time I wish Christmas was here I’m just not interested at all