I'm just not ready. in Since OD is shutting down....

Alright so I had a date on Tuesday night. We ate at Quaker Steak and Lube and it was rather enjoyable. He was funny, sweet, fun to be around but was wayyyyyyy too laid back and annoyingly laid back. Like, one of those people who never gets upset and just lets everything go. So not my type. I want someone who stands up for themselves and if something bothers them, they say something. Well he asked if we could watch a movie at my house and I was okay with that. Well one thing led to another and he had gone down on me and I went down on him for just a couple of minutes and then told him I just wasn't into it. He kept waking me up with his snoring so I finally woke him up at 3am and told him I had some emergency at my parents house so he had to go. As soon as he left, I went back to sleep. I was just so annoyed because I am such a bitch about my sleep and he had woken me up so many times.

I understand more now than before I am just not ready to date. I'm not ready to open my heart, try to trust again, or get to know someone. I'm pretty much over my ex but I'm still trying to work through all the emotional crap. My ex really fucked my head up by never being around, by making me feel like I could never do or say the right thing and belittling everything in my life that meant the most to me. It's going to take me a lot more time to try and get through all of that. I think as far as my love life goes, I'm going to put it in God's hands and just have faith that he will bring me the right person at the right time and until then, just focus on trying to repair things with my family and possibly getting to see my niece.

I have an hour before work and then I'm off until Sunday at 4pm and I'm so excited because it will be the first weekend of no homework. Work has been shitty all week because it's been windy as fuck and I haven't made nearly as much as I normally do. I plan to buy new bedding at Walmart, some groceries and get some cleaning done with my days off. I'm just so ready to have a couple of days to do my own thing and not have to run off to work. I'm getting so fucking sick of that place and I'm actually pretty glad they aren't gonna make me a manager because being a manager there is a fucking joke. They have to be there about 60 hours a week, they work 12 hour days, rarely get even a bite of food and have to deal with a bunch of fucktards. I just don't love my job like I used to and if I had to be there more than 35 hours a week, I'd fucking lose my mind. They asked me last night if I was done with school and I reluctantly said yes but they need someone to start closing and that's not going to be me. I will do everything I need to to get out of that because I don't want to have to be there late and I'm liking getting off at a decent hour every night and having more time for other things. I used to close and it was just physically and mentally too much for me. I honestly couldn't handle it. I was just too overwhelmed.

I'm anxious to work tonight because Thursday nights I usually make a decent wad of cash. I need it too because I'm looking to start getting back to the gym. Last night I ate pizza, cookies and a candy bar and felt like shit afterwards. I definitely have to change my eating habits. I know I shouldn't eat like that but I was starving and I knew it would taste good.

Anyways, time to get ready to go.