Self-Empowerment. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I don’t think prayer actually works.

I do, however, believe in the efficacy of positive thinking. As a writer, I find writing dialogue rather easy. I can shift back and forth between different characters in my head with relative ease, asking myself “what would they say?”

As a practical example, any gymrat has had a moment when they’re staring at the bar and know it’s going to be difficult. (Hey, today was squat day.) Sometimes it’s Duke* screaming “all your strength, all your power, everything you got!” When I got my second pfizer, I heard Jean-Luc Picard saying “You are a Starfleet Officer!”

*Duke was Apollo Creed’s trainer.

Though, usually it’s just my default interior monologue. Reminding myself of my cues and otherwise saying to myself “You can do this.”

Assuming I remember, I’m going to experiment with a more center-focused “I can do this”, rather than the slightly disassociated “you can do this”. Shifting from the externalized voice “You can do this” as outside voices can feel stronger, to an internal “I can do this.”

Naturally, the opposite of self-affirmations would be toxic negativity. If you talk negatively to yourself and beat yourself, it poisons your emotions, and eventually you start believing the trash depression is lying to you about.

“When a man is convinced he’s going to die tomorrow, he’ll probably find a way to make it happen.” - Guinan, TNG 4x1 “Best of Both Worlds II”

I don’t read much, but I’m considering picking up a book like “The Happy Satanist” and reading it instead of going to meetings. Hey, I like the routine of getting out of the flat around noon, so that habit is already in place.

Then again, it is very rare I read, so maybe I should try going to the library and reading first. Perhaps bring a Star Trek book, and my old Self Esteem book that Alex gave me years ago. Never did get past chapter three. That was the chapter when you’re supposed to list things positive/you like about yourself. I couldn’t think of a single one and broke down crying.

But, that was almost twenty years ago. Curious what will happen now.

Something scrawled in my big book is a note next to a condemnation of “willpower”. The nearby word propulsion. The gospel seems to be that you can’t survive on willpower alone.

I posit: An object in motion stays in motion. Why wouldn’t it? Outside factors.

To be reductive, if there are no obstacles to overcome, you won’t need any willpower at all. You’re just keep going.

I think of it as getting in your car, arriving at your destination and having no memory of driving there. The process was so low-priority in your brain that you just did it without putting in any effort. That’s what happens when you form good habits. No willpower required.

Kind of babbling now. Remember to eat your vegetables.