Toxic Individuality in Current Events

My detox crisis was over quickly, I feel perfect today. I think that I might try and go for a run today. I have been slacking on that because of the smoke outside over the summer. The air is too crisp for my knee these days but I can tough it out. The cleaning chemicals at work are what triggered the detox crisis, my lungs cleaned it up. Actually, I can tell that my sinuses want a turn today.

Yesterday when Toni got home from work she told me that she was going to vote this year and wanted to hear my thoughts on the parties. I invited her to research the parties platforms on her own and decide for herself where to land on issues but I was willing to share my opinions. We went for a walk and talked about our political beliefs and I was conscious about how I was presenting my ideas because my opinions are not palatable for left-leaning people. She felt a need to tell me that I am smug when I share my opinions. I had to paraphrase that for her, she was describing that I come off arrogant and too strong. It was the usual “”you use too many big words” and I come off strong with my opinions or whatever. Mine are educated opinions and it took the air out of hers, she even admitted that she doesn’t research anything. I told her that I know I am smug and that if it makes people insecure then that is their problem, I don’t care. I own my whole character, the good and the bad. She tried to convince me that she wasn’t insecure but that was a joke.

Long story short, we want the same things but our difference of opinions are how to get them. She wants the government to do it and I want the people to do it themselves. She is naturally a liberal, she lives like an ignorant codependent child who needs everything done for her so liberalism is a good fit. She has a kindergarten view of the world and can barely grasp big concepts like personal responsibility. I think what struck a nerve with her was that I rejected every single victim narrative she tried to create. We assume that everybody who sucks at life and health are victims but they are not. They’re irresponsible, they have a weak character and they make bad choices and I refuse to enable that. I refuse to throw pity that way either. People like her feel entitled to others feeling sorry for them. I can have compassion but pitying others is just not for me, anymore. You either grow up and love yourself or you don’t. If my choices and opinions make those freaks insecure GOOD! This is why we need liberals because people like me will abandon these losers like the ugly adult children that they are. I used to try and save everybody and now I know better. These are individuals committed to their covert narcissism. They just want attention and their narcissist supply and they get it by being whiny and pathetic so people with empathy will try and save them.

Toni tried to bring up the little things that I do which get under her skin. I didn’t let her unpack that. I told her that is her problem and not mine. I could go on for hours about her but I do not burden her with that because I am an adult that it is my own problem. There is a conversation that I do need to have with her one day but yesterday was not a good time, even though she gave me the perfect opportunity to do so. She tells me that she feels like a child, like somebody who never grew up and I want to explain why I feel like a parent. She did, however, show that she has self-awareness that her emotional incontinence creates a toxic environment and makes it hard for people to be around. That would have a been a great opportunity to add to that but I let her come to the conclusion that she needs to work on that on her own. For Christ sake I am not her mother, I can’t supply her emotional needs on top of everything else.

I used the word manifest in one of our conversations and she didn’t even let me finish the sentence and said “that is not a real thing.” That is how under developed she is an adult, she can’t even fathom a concept in which she is creating her own reality and experiences. Life is just happening to her. She refuses to go deep into anything, she is too good for it and that is why things will never change for her. She only changes the content and thinks that will cure her misery. It will not she needs to change the context and develop some introspection. She also cannot imagine a world in which we are all personally responsible for ourselves. People with this level of intellect creep me out. They are what I call self-less. They have no self-esteem, no self-confidence, self responsibility, self-respect, self-love, self-anything. They need to get that from somebody else. I am selfish, I re-membered who I am and don’t need to get that from anyone else.

We are all response-able. We have an ability to respond which is what gives us infinite potential. Our capacity to respond is finite but life is not just happening to us. We are co-creators. She in not in touch with her power of responsibility, life is just happening to her. She refuses to think differently, feel differently to experience differently. She is experiencing her own thoughts, her own emotions and her own body. She is miserable to her core and that is her own karma. Life is what you make it. If she wants to manifest something different then she has to create change from within. This is such a high concept to people like her because they commit to their victim narratives. Own your story, get over yourself and get into yourself and create something new. You can’t get different results doing the same things. I refuse to be gentle about it because these are not children I am talking to. Truth is not good or bad it just is.

She tried to explain how, to her, it’s like I went on some journey and now I think I am better than everyone else. Something to that effect. She tried to shade me and make me insecure about being single and unable to understand other people. She failed to strike a nerve because she obviously projected herself. She is the one who is insecure about being single. She feels lonely, that is what plagues her soul. This is because she is not whole from within. The nature of human desire is expansion. We want to expand into what we do and love but we are expanding into things that do not exist in reality. They exist only in our concepts and what we are wanting to expand into is ourselves. That is truly all we can experience. When you go on that journey to re-member who you are you develop a lot of wisdom and if that makes adult-toddlers like her insecure, good! Growing pains. She shouldn’t come to me about her life’s problems if she doesn’t want me to keep telling her that the only problem in her life is her, all her and nothing but her so help her god.

Anyway, we made vegan chili cheese fries that were epic and watched a lame movie before bed. He’s all that. It was awful but maybe it will be iconic for the kids of today. I believe she works today which gives me another day free of her. I don’t want to be mindful of her and just want to do me and my shit today. I need to work on my meditation. Bring myself to the eternal now. The external threats are real but I don’t have to let them consume me.

The book I am reading about the obvious allegories of the Bible got to the good part. In the rabbit hole you discover that everything is inverted. The Christians are the anti-Christs. We’ve been re-legioned away from the word of God and into the subverted teachings. I can see the truth in all the cultures. My people were connected to that universal system and truth and that was severed. We are not the first ones, I love seeing people exploring Wicca, paganism, Druidism and all the other cults and cultures that were destroyed by Christianity. It was all science and scientific method. The memory of our ancestors is written in our DNA, it’s like they can feel those roots calling. The holy bible is an encyclopedia of ancient cults, they created one of the greatest hermetic science textbooks of all time. It is the most sophisticated and can help unlock it all for us once you discover that it is a manual on how to read the word of God for yourself. The problem with the truth is that it tells us what our true nature is. We have been re-legioned to externnalize our own salvation and own sovereignty. We are the measure of the universe, not the measure of good and evil. That was forbidden fruit. Those are two concepts with two ends that can never meet. We cannot become whole and holy with fragmented thinking like that. Transcending duality is a bitch. Everything is whole, nothing is separate. There will always be contrast for everything would be formless. Which is what the anti-Christ’s want. They are demented and think that we all have to commit cultural genocide to grow a fake Christian kingdom.

What lays at the bottom of the rabbit hole is the word of God. He is real, he is us experiencing himself and his word is not written on paper it is written in the stars. We are the word made flesh. Our heritage returns in this turning of the age. I want to learn it and return it to my elders and knowledge keepers. The counterfeit Christians think that if it is not their subverted teachings then it is evil and satanism. We speak of only what we know and they only know evil. I want to help plug our theologies back into the stars where they belong. Assuming I survive this new re-legion we are all being herded into. Medical $cience is the new system of priestcraft that we are being forced into. A medical religion and we need to submit to their medical mRNA messiah. It’s the vaccine inquisition and everybody is worshipping big Pharma. Not my elders first rodeo of being led into a new cult. They saw this coming, they said to stay away from the white man medicine because it will make us sick. I don’t think he even knew that terrain theory is what we practiced and that it works. He could just see that it is the cure creating diseases and that the diseases are the cures. Everything is inverted. Humanity has such a long way to go.

When I meditate and ask for guidance and wisdom sometimes something gets through. Everything is inverted, in the esoteric aspect of what is going on we are not lightworkers. We are shadow workers. We are here to help humanity do shadow work in the collective consciousness. We are not here to save the world but destroy it so a new one can be built. The next generation will be the lightworkers and they will build a new earth. We need to get the old paradigm out of the way. My inner guidance is also calling me to do something I don’t want to do which is put myself out there on social media. Create content and add my Saturn ruled style to the movement but I have to push through my crippling social anxiety which is draining. The image I get is of me wearing an Ojibwe headdress which I do not own, yet. The more I learn about my birth chart the more it all starts to make sense. Of course, this sounds way out there because it really is that far from removed from the fictions. I hit the bottom of the rabbit hole, I can see all the milestones that we need to flip around and one has to know the word of God to build it back up. I can tell someone the truth but I cannot make them believe. That journey has to be done internally so all I can do is breadcrumb and hope to God that I can inspire people to develop their God-given power of discernment. I am a heretic on every level, nobody is even aware of the cults that they are in. How they are conditioned to experience someone like me as an existential threat. I have to shatter all of their paradigms. Well, get them to do that on their own. That’s if I follow-through on my inner calling that I don’t want to do. I would rather go back to losing all selfie control and try and be an instawhore.

Anyways, on with my day now. I want to finally get around to baking muffins. I have been dragging that out. I also want to start applying for a second job some more. I also need to learn how to invest in currency and learn money. It’s just so boring. I need a real currency to be allowed to make legal claims. Our laws are all fraud, we are all considered lost at sea and presumed dead. Our vessels, our bodies, have been claimed by the vatican. We need to claim that we are alive and the living man and not a corporate fiction. It’s complicated, the sky is the sea of commerce and the land is the queens citizenships and we are all bonded slaves via our birth certificates. There are many sovereign movements but they fail because they do not have the standing, status and capacity to use the law of the land. Currency is the key because our Vatican owned currencies are backed by nothing. It’s all federal reserved notes, it’s a debt system. We are all bankrupt and bankrupt people cannot make claims. Blah, whatever who cares. I just air out my thoughts on here. I have hundreds of comments I still need to open. I’m just not in the mood to polarize with narcissism anymore. On with my day then.

Last updated September 19, 2021