Love & Stuff in Packrat

• Puppies. I have my own pack because last year my giant puppy, although separated from the other dogs (including a male with all his parts), used to climb over the gate, hang out with said male until they became more than buddies, and then climb back out again, all before I returned home from work. I never knew until she started showing signs of pregnancy. She never gained much weight nor exhibited physical signs until right before; the day after I bought her a harness and leash to take her to the vet, she gave birth.

I couldn't give any of them up to the unknown, and I can take care of them, so they are all still running and barking in my yard. They'd line up at the fence whenever I'd leave, and I'd stop and acknowledge them by calling, "I see baaabies!" They'd wag their tails and jump around, I'd laugh, and we'd go about our business. I haven't actually stopped doing that, but they've outgrown me and don't line up anymore. They do now and then out of the goodness in their hearts because they feel sorry for an old lady who looks at them and still sees baaabies.

I had the girls fixed, but one never went in. We tried. She was the last to go in, and she ran from me. I rescheduled to later in the week to give them a break. The day she was to go in, our area had outages, which included the vet's office, which is just over the hill from my house. Reschedule. She has a sister and brother who look like her. I caught who I thought was her - anyway, I ended up giving her already-fixed sister a $20 nap, and during the weekend I couldn't get her in, she had puppies (like her mom, she didn't really show, and her hairy underbelly covered...signs). Now that they're all older, they have distinctive characteristics and are easier to tell apart, but that doesn't help me now.

So now I have six adorable puppies who need homes, and I burst into tears every time I think of that. One will stay (one of my old dogs died, and I know I can keep a certain number fed well with room to run), and one is going to my sister, but again I don't want to send my puppies to the unknown. Some favorites and random entries I've read speak of their great love for their fur family, and I wish I knew my puppies were going to people like that. Please pray that they do; it's tearing me up to think of parting with them, but keeping them wouldn't be in their best interest.

• Free Spirit separated from his wife. I can't say the news surprised me; when we met her on the birthday trip, we saw the storm coming. I have conflicting feelings whirling through me. I'm not happy about this, and I hope they work it out if they can, but circumstances and not love is why he married her. On his visits, he still felt like "mine" and then I'd remind myself that he's married - as he still is. The last few days before the news came, I've been thinking about wedding toppers and matching outfits for the wedding ceremony and hearing songs I've always associated with him. I didn't make it to 50 and unmarried by wanting to get married or swooning away. I have always thought, though, in our single days, that if I ever married anyone, it would be him. (I had my reasons not to go there.) We just "fit" in so many ways, and he's a part of my life in so many ways that the Wordsmith and S aren't. This doesn't mean his feelings haven't changed; this ship may have already sailed long ago. Let's just say I'm watching this situation with "interest".

• Ceremonies. Once our clan feasts start, one occurs every weekend. The last one will be this weekend. Once the "season" opens, other ceremonies take place - namings, adoptions, "ghost" feasts. Our seamstresses, weavers, and moccasin makers are working like mad. Not only are their skills needed for ceremonial activities, but pow wow season is set to start and dancers also want new items. Princesses have either been selected or are going to compete or hand over their crowns and want dresses to wear for those events. We're planning a naming and an adoption so we've got four seamstresses, two weavers, and a moccasin maker working on our stuff right now. And that's just my family! Sometimes I think I should learn how to make moccasins (I took a class and my grandmother approved the one moccasin I did), but then this time of year rolls around and I think....nahhhh.... I don't do well with stress, especially since now I'm a changeling!

• My niece. My mother was able to dance with her in one round at the last clan feast. I reached out for her as I passed by (I danced every round of every dance), but since I'd slept only an hour and a half the night before, I looked stoned, and my mom said I looked unreliable! I think she just didn't want to give her up. Anyway, I can't write an entry about love and not mention my niece!