Pantsing myself lol in Torridaussity Two

So a funny anecdote about today. I was wearing capris and for some reason as the day went on they kept getting looser and looser as I stood up to get out of my car I thought oh my better be careful I think they are going to slide all the way down and indeed they did. Thankfully no one was around in close proximity and I scooted behind my car door and pulled them back up. I am not sure why they got that loose, but must maybe wear a belt with them next time lol.

In other news, I have been in a very contemplative mood. Back to ARJ the man who said you know I love you as a friend and a little more, I am not sure how much longer I can have him in my life because I love him as a friend and I have held myself there because I always assumed he was just a big flirt and never really cared about me, but now I just can't handle his flirting and his caring because I crave love so much I am afraid I will let myself fall for another man who doesn't deserve my love all because of him saying that.

Mikey another man that I have been in some "odd relationship" with for years, I fell for him a long time ago and he said he loved me too, but failed to mention it was only as a friend and he has over the years been a friend and if we had been in the same country we prb would have ended up friends with benefits. Well close to three weeks ago we were talking and he left the conversation suddenly and hasn't contacted me since, I messaged him finally and I know he received it (gotta love FB) and he hasn't replied to it. I am ok with this I needed a reason to cut ties with him in one aspect of our friendship and this has given me the strength to do so. I will not reach out again. Just as I will not reach out to my military friend. I will still call them friends, but my heart is closed a tiny bit to them.

Stuart the guy from England who wants a chance with me, well I think he's a bit mad. He has told me he has tokra abilities (he can hear people and communicate with them in his head) I know some people can do this, but ummm just not sure. He also smokes pot, can't have a job because of this ability of his and well he has some crazy people in his life. He is very sweet to me and hasn't made any move to do cyber sex which is a big deal for me, but I think I need less crazy and someone here in the states. I do believe you can find love anywhere, but I need someone here.

My grandfather is doing well with having 24 hour care in his home so that is one positive thing going on. Work has been very stressful. Both the kids I work with have been very aggressive lately. I am still financially stressed and still haven't seen the doctor. I am soon turning 34 and it has me feeling down and out that I am still single and in a dead end career. I rely heavily on my faith and am so glad God is my rock. If I didn't have my faith I would be lost. One last thing I have kept my OK cupid profile, but don't contact anyone at the moment and we all remember the guy I went on a date with and he asked me out again then never contacted me well he just checked out my profile again. Guess the other woman didn't work out. Too bad for him because he lost his chance with me. Good night my friends, love you all for reading my rants and leaving me comments.