A confused, smitten mess in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

A confused, smitten mess... - 9/3/2005

I dunno what's wrong with me.  Today I went to a party.  Addam's party - housewarming or something.  Yuie picked me up after I just made it to the riverfire festival.  Now THAT was awesome.  And I went to Addam's house.  They were nice.  Addam was nice.  Yuie was nice and polite.  I learnt a lot about him.  I didn't fit in though.  I never do at parties.  I hate parties, especially where I don't know anyone.  At one stage I was left there sitting on a seat outside leaving to fend for myself in amongst the majority of females I didn't know.  Me and females don't do, especially strangers - I so can't break the ice, I'm hopeless.  That and Addam's housemate dancing shirtless on the chairs inside the house in the distance.  I just didn't wanna be there I guess, and I kinda wish I had someone to talk to.  Luckily Yuie asked me if I wanted to go home, and apologised that the party sucked so much.  It wasn't that it really sucked, it's just that I didn't wanna be there.  I'd actually love be out out clubbing right now.  Or something.  I think I'll put a DVD on and cuddle up under a blanket, or something.  I so feel like I need to do something.  I wish Sam was online, or even him.  sigh he's so dreamy.  I'm going to be more excited than I have been in quite a while come Tuesday.  I'm pathetic when someone takes my breath away.  My heart flutters for a guy I haven't met.  I guess Tuesday my reality will be snapped back.  But until then, until that night when I meet him, my heart and my mind will be a confused, smitten mess.

You're a guy I've yet to admire, yet you're a virtualality I've yet to aquire.  You're looks and personality are beyond compare.  I'd love to kiss and hug you but I wouldn't dare.  You're a light during troubled times.  Liking you, am I commiting a crime?  There could be nothing, no spark at all.  We mightn't even be friends, just a 'walk and crawl'.  Opposite-attract they do say.  If that's true, you're mine all the way.

Oh snap out of it Matt.  He seems to be the only one who cheers me up these days, and by me being how I am, I'm going to be nothing but a clingy mess.  How did this happen to me?  Am I kidding myself?  lol i nearly wrote 'kissing' then, instead of two 'd's.  Maybe I should, can't get hurt that way.  Maybe I'm a good kisser.  Now I'm plain weird.

I'm looking forward to the movie though.  he better not be as good looking as I see him currently.  Cos if he is, I'll barely be watching the movie.  sighs.  I'm off to dream during my DVD.  I can dream what I want, that's what I love about my life.  I mightn't fit in with the majority of society, but at least I know how to entertain myself between here and my social life.  I guess I have one.  And I can sleep in tomorrow.  Why not, it beats listening to Roxette music all night, which is what I've been doing this entire entry. 

This entry was written with the intention of being private, but I seriously can't give a fuck, so here it is.

mwah.

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

I know what you mean by feeling like you dont want to be somewhere and you dont know anyone...and your all alone. It sucks. Aww watch your dvd. :)

I get retarded when someone takes my breath away lol. I think it's natural. lol [Akourah Lilly] 9/3/2005 10:07:41 AM

how cute! i dont see anything abnormal about have incredibly strong feelings for someone uve never met. ive done it before. at least u get to meet ur man. [EternallyHopeful] 9/3/2005 11:55:01 AM

Dude, I so always get excited before I meet some one I have never met before. It's like your going through all the posibilities in your head and imagining the great things that could come and then, then you remember that you haven't even met yet. Have fun and take care buddy! [C-Dub85] 9/3/2005 12:02:40 PM

I smile when I read the part about how you anticipate him being online. It totally gave me flashbacks to wanting to be online when Andrew and I FIRST started talking back in 1998. dreamy sigh Oh the memories ...

And there is nothing better (well, there are better things but I'm going for dramatics here) than curling up with a good blanket and movie on the couch. [Rachel Erin] 9/3/2005 12:16:31 PM

poor baby, parties like that suck. which is why i always have a couple of shots and go with a friend. i NEVER go to parties where i don't know people. ever.

[Prince Zidane] [p] 9/3/2005 12:30:08 PM

Oh, dear. I'm afraid I'm sort of in the position you are in right now. Ironically with a bloke called Adam, too.

Sigh.

::hugs::

You're a darling. [Ness, Interrupted.] [p] 9/3/2005 12:41:34 PM

awwwww!! cuteness times a million!

xox [Indigo Sky] 9/3/2005 12:48:18 PM

Matt I just have to tell you what a beautiful, beautiful person you are. And it's ok not to fit into everything. I know I don't and I don't give a f**k. My heart and my soul reaches out to you across the miles to embrace you in love and understanding. Yeah I know I'm a sorry excuse sometimes. Buddy honest to God I wish you all the best that life has to offer. Just reach out and touch it.

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 9/3/2005 2:25:35 PM

Hey Matt I was just wondering if you'd like to email me sometime. That is is you trust me. If you do I'll send my and Brian's pictures to you. That way at least you will be able to put a face to the name Ben. Here's my email address: benroberts[email protected] Heer's hopin I hear from ya.

Hugs,

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 9/3/2005 3:28:08 PM

i am so in the same boat as you when it comes to being at a party where you dont know anyone else. there's no fun to be had especially when approaching people is hard. curling up to a good movie is a best way to unwind and relax i think so i hope you have a great night/morning! you never note me anymore though. oh well. i still wish you the best of luck with him :~) [PetiteAnge] 9/3/2005 6:07:02 PM

That is understandable. I too have been smitten with someone I never met. It's ok. [SEPIA EMISSION] 9/3/2005 6:39:02 PM

Aww...I love the little couplets...Good luck when you meet him. [broken.wings.] 9/3/2005 9:25:19 PM

ryn Honey, people are racist due to fear mostly and just plain ignorance. It's easy to blame something that isn't the same as you instead of being a better person yourself,yanno? (((( Hugs ))) [Love,Monica] 9/3/2005 10:38:21 PM

Chin Up Matt, Chin Up. Love Ya Bunches. Good Luck Tuesday, its gonna be great.

Huggs!!!

[GardenBoi] 9/4/2005 3:07:36 AM

RYN: hugs hugs hugs You're awesome, Matt.

Nn, there's a voice in my head that's telling me that line's getting really old. But I'm glad you like it. Or... appreciate it, or something, =D

kiss on cheek Thank you! [Ness, Interrupted.] 9/4/2005 3:37:55 AM

I am quite sure that you are indeed a very good kisser. Bad parties suck but such is life. I hope you are okay. I worry about my OD friend miles and miles away. hugs [pizzaguy184] 9/4/2005 5:26:27 AM

aww, I'm glad you put this entry up, its very cute. There's nothing wrong with liking someone far away...and besides who cares about the movie when you have someone special next to you? ; )

no its still summer! Its hot outside and somehow I'm still sick, meh but it should go away soon. [Interpreter of Life] 9/4/2005 9:21:02 AM

i feel a lone all the time when i am with a group of people because i am very judgemental! Maybe is should stop, but once i am at a comfort level i get excited and crazy!!! J/k i am normally laid back. [Archer_Mage] 9/4/2005 5:20:49 PM

I wanted to go to riverfire, my uncle is a fireworks inspector so he was down there, but he had to go at 9am and I had to work so I missed out...tear and my car is playing up a bit lately so I couldn't drive down and everyone else was being lazy. [SinderellaX] 9/5/2005 6:11:12 AM

I liked this entry :o) [Ezra_Medic] 9/5/2005 7:05:49 AM

Last updated May 13, 2014