i hope for the best for him but. i don't know what that is. *evan* in The Wonderland Years: 2014. Done.

um yeah.

so on Sat. we talked. and, it was good for us. we had a good day. and I want the best for him I really do but. I don't know what that is, exactly.

I don't know what he ingested last Sun. [good god it's been that long? wow] [and by last Sun. I mean the .............4th] or how much. all he knows/remembers is they apparently took his blood.

Like I've ingested shit [not. not recently or anything the last time was Feb.] [and yeah not that I should've or w/e not really the point] but when I have it's taken me. a day to recover not a full bloody wk.

He was still not feeling good Sat. so I just wonder. what he ingested and how much. so that I can understand why the hell it's taking this long.

People do stupid things when they're upset. I've been there. um.

Honestly, much as I don't want to say it. maybe it's best for him if he, you know. if he isn't w/ us anymore. or maybe it's better for him not to go I really don't know. [ok well wow that sounds callous. well yeah it kinda is].

He knows I don't want to lose him. esp. not right now I'm not ready to. well I don't think anyone's ever fully ready to.

And if it already happened......I really don't know if it has or not. Looking back I can go yeah. we had a good last day. last phone call. and that's what I would['ve] want[ed]. [well yeah if I think like that].