Irritated! grrr in The OpenDiary (OD) Days!

Irritated! grrr - 7/1/2005

The new hooker had just finished her first trick. When she came back down to the street, the seasoned veterans all gathered around to hear the details. She said, "Well, he was a big, muscular and handsome marine."

"Well? What did he want to do?" they all asked.

She said, "I told him that a straight lay was $100, but he said he did not have that much. So, I told him a blow job would be $75, but he did not have that much either. Finally I said, 'Well how much do you have?' The marine said he only had $25. So, I told him, 'For $25, all I can give you is a hand job.' He agreed and after getting the finances straight, he pulled it out. I put one hand on it. Then, I put the other hand above that one."

She paused, raised her eyebrows, and then continues, "Then I put the first hand above the second hand..."

"Oh my God!" they all exclaimed, "it must have been huge! Then what did you do?"

"I loaned him $75!"

Sometimes he really irritates me.  Now before you all gasp and your jaws drop, I do love him.  Things are just looking down.  Reason for this is I got this SMS from him just before - "Fuck that god-forsaken diary matt.  You would have no idea what sickos are reading the intimate details of our life.  Jay could be for all you know.  Don't write anything about me anymore.  Not a thing. Thanks." (Jay being his ex).

Right.  Where does that leave me?  It makes me really annoyed.  In a way I want to tell him to grow the fuck up and I'll talk about what I want in this diary.  In another way I want to REMIND him that I go here to collect my thoughts and that I only proclaim my love for him on here.  As for Jay, he's that stupid he wouldn't know how to find a dairy.  I'm not scared and no I'm not gunna stop.  I will still talk about details, but they won't be intimate, so alas, a boring diary lol.  What I think is that he doesn't trust me and that he also reads my diary after telling me he doesn't.  He really has trouble opening up in person, so I get it in an sms when he leaves for work.  Point proven.  I said to him a few weeks ago, "The only time I ever get a message from you these days, is when something is wrong.  I no longer get the love messages and normal 'how are you going' messages I used to when we first met."  He replied that he knew that was true.  That's what I mean by 'Point Proven'.  And I've really underestimated his trust in me.  I mean I love the guy, what more does he want?  He's moving to Toowoomba on me and told me that he doesn't want to exclude me out of his life because of it, but hes BASING IT ON PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS.  I"M the one who gets caught with it all.  He moves HERE for Jay, but when it's me, he moves back to Toowoomba?I mean I'd MOVE there for him, doesn't that say a little bit that i care for him?  Just giving up my life to be near him?  Yeah exactly.  So at the moment I'm thinking us being friends might be a better idea.  He doesn't trust me as much as he claims to, and his mood swings are unreal - just today he stormed out the door because I was on OD reading all you guys entries!  I wasn't even writing an entry, just READING yours!  And then I get that message.  Oh sorry, I'm talking about him again arent I?  Well I don't care, he's really being unfair.  Leave all your horrible notes to me on this if you like, I'll understand cos this entry is a little bit of a rant, but I'm really annoyed right now.  Please don't write anything offensive cos I'll probably return the favour being in the state I am.  And of course I'm gunna talk it over with him.  Problem is, if we become friends (and there seem to be more and more reasons for doing so), I'm always gunna love him somewhere in my heart.  Like, I may be pissed now, but I still love him.  I'm just trying to think what might be better for both of us.  It's not like we haven't talked about the friendship thing, but Luke reckons if we became friends again, he'd probably distance himself from me for a very long time, as that helps us get over each other - and as you all know how much I love him, that's gunna hurt.  See, I'm even talking like it's going to happen one day.  Maybe I'm psychic, maybe tomorrow things will be how they always have.  The point of this entry is he shits me sometimes, just like everyone has something about someone who shits them.  But don't think badly of him, I'm probably just as bad.  He's obviously not happy that I've been writing our 'intimate details'.  Only way he'd know that is if he's been keeping tracks on me, which shows distrust (if thats a word), and I think that's what's shitting me more than anything.  There is no way I can not talk about him, he's my life!  But oh well, I aint changing me, not in this diary anyway.

Notes: --------------------------------------------------------------------

seriously - FU*K Jay. Exes are exes for a reason and if he's gonna be all creepy and read you diary I think it's time for a restraining order! [.Konstantine.] 7/1/2005 5:30:18 AM

Matt I'm sorry things are kinda bad right now. Hell you've read some of my entries where I talk about Brian and Matt but what the f**k. Hell there was one entry where I wrote about beating off. Big deal I say. Matt you're a sweet loving guy and I know things are gonna work out for you. I know things don't always work out the way we'd like but it's gonna be ok. Later...

Love ya,

Ben [Taste The Rain Bow] 7/1/2005 6:50:04 AM

hope u feel betta soon! mwah xxx

by the way i love the jokes!!! [butterflybabe13] 7/1/2005 7:10:03 AM

Hey matt! hopefully things will get better for you! Talk to u later! BYE BYE! ~Rachel~

[tankerbrat8386] 7/1/2005 9:07:04 AM

I am sorry to say, your story is common. Now, since i am 16 you most likly wont take what i say seriously but i will say it anyways. Normally, when one party of a relationship starts to act like Luke seems to be, it is because of a secret he has that he isn't willing to share. Such as, Cheating, abuse, drinking, drugs, or even as simple as having sex with like 3 guys before you even knew him! [Archer_Mage] 7/1/2005 9:27:33 AM

Dont feel bad about angry, of course it doesnt mean you love him any less. Anyone with half a brain can see how much you love him. He's just being a bit silly. Your diary is exactly that - it's YOUR diary. And a diary by deffinition is something that you write about your thoughts and your life...he is part of your life so how can he expect you NOT to write about him?

Try not to worry too much. x [Indigo Sky] 7/1/2005 10:56:26 AM

I hate this point, where you have no idea what's going to happen because it could be anything. You'll be OK, though. He sounds like he's just really touchy about something right now. I vote with the previous noter that he's got something he doesn't feel comfortable sharing. --Matt [Matteo Al Monty] 7/1/2005 12:04:34 PM

What that heck does he care if his ex is reading your diary anyway? Seems to me that he's still hung up on this guy or something.

big hugs I don't know what to tell you sweetie. It seems more and more that him going and you staying is the better option ... but then again, love is a battle field. You gotta determine what is worth fighting for and what isn't. [Orange Blossom] 7/1/2005 12:22:56 PM

And I agree with one of the above noters about him keeping secrets. It's already known that he doesn't like to be open ... but it seems as if he's hiding something more. Like what's the deal with him spazzing about his ex?

I wish I knew what to tell you. I really do. big hugs again [Orange Blossom] 7/1/2005 12:25:00 PM

ack! ahh, i should'nt say something, i usually just mess everything up, but just don't worry, it'll hopefully all blow over,

HUG EXPLODE [penfifteen] 7/1/2005 12:44:01 PM

know the feeling. :-\ [Prince Zidane] 7/1/2005 1:29:57 PM

im sorry things arent going to hot for you...just hang in there it will get better. Its very clear that you love him and thats all that matters..Love. well take care cutie.

james:-) [Txstatebobcat] 7/1/2005 2:25:16 PM

hugs [~Tiffany~] 7/1/2005 3:27:03 PM

Im sorry you are having a bad day.I am too. I think today I realized he doesnt love me. I think Ive began the mental journey of breaking up with him. Hope your day/week gets much happier, you deserve it! :) Dont ever change yourself for someone, you are to special and awesome!

-JJ [shrektrek] 7/1/2005 5:09:54 PM

Awww. Ask him what does it matter if the whole world knew about your intimate details!? So what!? Tell him to live ur relationship like u 2 were the only two people on earth. Who else really matters, right!? right. You have a lovely diary, and your love for him is all over it. Enjoy ur day hon.

Cy. [2ofUs] 7/1/2005 7:29:06 PM

He really shouldn't make such a big deal about his ex...and especially not your diary. If you choose to have a diary, thats your decision. If he really does love you, he won't make such a big deal about it. I personally think he's blowing it all out of proportion. I know things will get better and you two will work it out. Just have patience. Tons of love...

-Chris [Ethereal Remains] 7/2/2005 12:40:33 AM

Matt, if you read about the men I've written about in my past, maybe you'll see that what you are thinking about Luke is not uncommon. I still love every man I ever did, which was three before My Mikey. I am not IN love with them any longer, but my love never stops once it starts. I just grow and change, like everyone does. You, as well!

Love,

Jack

[mikeysjack] 7/2/2005 1:46:03 AM

Wow. sorry things have been going bad. Relationships sometimes can be so hard to maintain. obviously hes got issues and i hopeu guys talk about it. but your right u shoodnt stop writing in here bcos he doesnt like it. honestly if its your way of collecting thoughts then he should understand.

much love [miss_barbie] 7/2/2005 3:19:00 AM

awww baby...im so sorry that things are bad right now. i hope everything works out for you guys, and if you need to talk/vent/bitch, ANYTHING, im here for ya :) xox

[[disco-lemonade]] 7/2/2005 11:36:18 PM

Last updated May 11, 2014