It's like my kids get worse and worse every day in Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of HAPPINESS

…and I cry more and more. I’m SO TIRED OF CRYING! I’m crying because I’m frustrated. I’m crying because I’m sad. I’m crying because I want them to go away. I literally wake up every day and approach it like a new day, and they kick and scream and cry and yell and throw themselves on the ground, and whine and scream some more.

I’m so happy to see them in the morning. I LOVE MY BABIES SO MUCH. As soon as I wake them up, there’s screaming, hollering, kicking, running, more crying, whining, complaining, slamming doors and GROWLING.

WHAT ON EARTH DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS? Especially as a single mom. I’m not the one who left. I’m here! I do everything in my power and my ability for my kids. I AM A WONDERFUL PROVIDER! I meet and exceed their needs. I made sure my son had early intervention for his speech. I’ve saved my money to put my daughter in private school. She’s done dance class, soccer, art camp, summer camp. I have a playground for a yard. They have a toys galore. THEY HAVE ME! I play games and watch movies and take them on a Valentine’s date every year. We’ve been to Disney World and Sea World, I’ve paid for season passes to the zoo, we go on nature walks and to feed the ducks quite frequently, they have tablets and smart TV’s and I give hugs in the middle of the night, I kiss boo boos and buy their favorite character band aids. We do science experiments, and play in the snow and rain. Last year for the pandemic during Halloween, not only did I make jack-o-lantern quesadillas for dinner, but I hid eggs with Halloween candy and glow sticks and had a egg hunt in the dark. We go to splash parks, I bought a pool for our back yard, they have art supplies and play doh, beads and glitter slime (all of the things a lot of parents hate). They have enough books that we can read a different book everyday for a Month (Thank you Dolly Parton). Just this morning my son was up and hour before the alarm was set to go off, and I didn’t put him back in his room. I wrapped he and I up in a blanket and held him while he slept. When a kid at daycare came up to me and told me that my daughter called him a “dummy”, I didn’t spank her, I didn’t yell....we have teachable moments. I told her to put herself in their shoes…I’ve never called my children out of their names. I don’t belittle them. I always apologize when I’m wrong. I EXPLAIN things to them when they are wrong and why what they did was wrong. I ALWAYS LISTEN TO THEIR SIDE OF THE STORY. I always have their back.

SO WHY ON EARTH DO I GET TREATED THIS WAY?

As soon as I pick them up. I wish I could take them back where they were.

I’ve already paid for their daycare through the month. I’m half attempted to ask for the money back for my daughter and send her with my mom. I wish I didn’t have to ASK to send her to someone and that someone would step in and OFFER. All I can think about is how she will hate me if I send her away. All I want is for whatever this phase of her life is to go away. What if it never goes away? What if crying is my life now? What if she is one of those violent kids who steals and cusses and fights and is out in the streets? Everyone will be like “I BLAME HER PARENTS!” HOW?! I have done everything (right and WRONG) for them.

If I could talk to my younger early 20 something self, I would say DON’T HAVE KIDS. Don’t do it. It’s a love I have never imagined but at this stage, it’s a pain I’ve never imagined either. I’m so sad and depressed every day. Why on Earth would someone like ME end up with children like this? A person can do everything right…and still have to suffer like I am.

I realize that I am selfish saying this, but this is my truth. I LOVE MY KIDS, but at this exact moment of my day:

I

DO

NOT

LIKE

THEM.

Last updated August 05, 2021