palace of fear in addressing the public

staring at the moonlight
wishing i would write
a self-soothing song of comfort and of wit.

but so much dread, it greets me here
i build a palace of my fears
raising towers from the soil
that will house my own turmoil

and i can almost be okay
for a good set of given days
delude myself with no disruption
throw a party in the dungeon

when i forget there’s something more
i feel fine behind those doors
but first a peep, and then a howl
a twist that rips my insides out

an invite to go out there
contorts my hope into despair
the way my freedom is assumed
thrusts me deeper in my room

and i’ll soft-pedal all my fears
pretend i’m happier in here
but inside a bitter, aching voice
knows i didn’t have a choice