Psychic Woes in Aftermath

Will probably shoot some videos today
It’s fridayyyyyyyyy

Don’t know what I’ll do. I had a few ppl inquire about readings but no dice.

I talk to My therapist today. I really like the abalone shell they gave me my other one is too small. This one is great I don’t need to use my ugly old.cat bowl as much. and I got my.first turkey feather as well. It means alot to me to be included and encouraged being Mixed white & Indigenous. I don’t really see myself as white although the color of my skin in my features mind body and soul aren’t
White is a social construct basically which strips those from their heritage and culture as well.

Anyways alot of gatekeeping in the indigenous community, I get it there are people who completely lie. My former “friend” being one of them and a few other ppl I met. Mostly BC I am new at all of this as well so they feel comfortable trying to.vulture anything I learn.

Alot of being  native to me is in my soul my dreams my blood.

Going to get colored light bulb today

I’m glad I talk to my therapist today on Fridays. I always get overwhelmed on cheque day and friday. The weekends get lonely for me lately.

I have lost so many so called friends this pandemic mostly because if you can’t stay relevant to them they drop you, alot of them were still going out not wearing masks travelling, choose to remain oblivious to it all because that’s how selfish they were anyways it just intensified itself, which at the begginning of the pandemic I get it, I also think things should be a bit looser but I also have a. Whole lot of health issues so Id rather be safe than sorry.

Anyways it’s a bright sunny day out, I wanna go shopping. It’s going to be a good day. I am ovulating and have money and look good. Lol

I need to rinse off my fake tan soonish.

I met a young girl at the book store yesterday and she asked me while we were both browsing the tarot deck section what deck she should start with as she was inspired by Tik tok readers. :) She asked me how to connect with the deck I told her that I smudge it BC I’m Indigenous, I never tell ppl smudge unless they are also Indigenous, she said she was indigenous from South America, I’m sure Paolo Santo she could use I forgot to say at the time. I said sleep with it under you’re pillow. Can cleanse with insense and other herbs

Than she asked me the difference between oracle and tarot, it was nice being able to kind of mentor someone, I gave her my business card as I teach tarot sort of on my page I go through a card a day and encourage others to contribute their views and feelings and interpretation of the card as well I am a intuitive tarot reader as well.

I was supposed to be working this year as a mentor for youth in shelters but my name never came up on the rooster so now I bet the job is scrapped BC it was an online opportunity for youth in shelters feeling isolated during co vid. I hope they still do it because I’d love to do it in person

I always wanted younger siblings growing up I have two cats now. I love guiding and looking out for others who are younger than me because I didn’t have that at all really growing up but the small times that I did it helped alot.

Unfortunately it was alot of my Osler brothers GFS who were kind to be because of my brother and when my bro would umcermonially dump.them Bc he’s a narcassitic person theyd use me to stay close to him or complain about him but what they didn’t know is the extent of the abuse he put on me, they wouldn’t be able to handle it I don’t think what they tell me about what he’s done to them is extremely tame compared to how he’s treated me. :(

Anyways. I got a new nature oracle deck yesterday, I love it. I love oracle decks that reach you at the same time sure it has its spiritual meaning but it also has about the tree and stories from diff tribes etc about the nature and trees

I want to go out tonight or tomorrow, but I want to try to make some money to go out as well. And if I do I will tonight if not tommorow see how I feel. It’s hard for me because I’m so isolated lost so many friends to go somewhere by myself now it’s really hard especially when I don’t drink really at all which was what really helped me before I went and during now I just do a lot of cannabis and I take and anxiety pills lol.

I don’t smoke anymore and it’s a lot of smoke in there I’m asthmatic it doesn’t bother me too much I don’t care if people smoke just as long as they don’t smoke too too much in my face place is smoke you can smoke in there because it’s illegal place what do they call them sort of like a speakeasy.

I only go to speakeasies I don’t like bars or clubs for the most part I find them really pretentious a lot of them here in the city there is maybe one or two I’d like to try out I’d like to try an lgbtq 1 I feel like they may be good me being by maybe I want to explore that part of me I’m bi maybe am actually just lesbian. I don’t know but either way I feel like it might be a safer place to go or be to certain extent and maybe a happier Vibe with a less misogynistic vibe and more open-minded about what I do for a living what I’ve been through and all my situation is now because of how marginalized we are in the LGBT community and as well as being indigenous I’m not really part of any Community with lgbtq really I guess loosely I am but I believe that lgbtqbq has really been there for me they gave me about $200 when I lost my freelancing job with tarot when covid hit and I appreciate it I will one day they asked if I would like to pay it back and I said yes I would like to offer a free readings to any events that they have

Anyways so yeah today will be a busy day for me it’s always fun to have money because I can’t seem to do anything without money I used to be so fussed up it’s not like you can’t do anything with money and you can have fun without money but my situation I need a lot of things that cost money unfortunately right now but I’m definitely don’t spend half as much as I used to because I realizing that I don’t need half as much as I do and I’m starting to save the money so that I can have a future for myself instead of paycheck to paycheck and hustling for Taro I love the hustle in a way but in a way I don’t I wish I had more regular clients I’ve had two people reach out which is amazing and compared to having such a drought for the last month or so but no dice no one actually committed or wanting to pay to talk is I got someone from tick Tock but I don’t know if I can trust people in tiktok to pay Instagram I haven’t had any problems with but tick Tock I’m not sure yet I haven’t had any customers that have actually paid through tiktok

I messaged him last night asking for Molly but he didn’t answer so I blocked him before I get answer because the anticipation of waiting for him to answer it is too much for me plus he treats me badly anyway so it’s not like you be that offended he always ends up talking to me again when I do unblock him and he’s around he’s not he literally ghosts me a lot of the time too and messages me late at night so it takes two to tango.

I might message him right before I go tonight just to see if he’s going to be around not just because I like part of me wants to see him but part of me doesn’t because he’s usually always with a bunch of people as well and I’m not so and I don’t want to be just nice to him because I have no one so hopefully there’s other people are nice to me so it’s not just them I’d rather I’m actually prefer him not to be there sometimes I ask him not because I want him there because I don’t want them there and I want to know

It would be nice to have him to like me in a way I know but unfortunately he acts very manipulative and non-committal and he doesn’t want to commit or anything like that so I’m not going to waste my time I’m single I’m fine I’m free I’m having fun and I know that there’s better out there for me and that I deserve better than that even if I do feel very attracted to him and physically spiritually emotionally in a lot of ways there’s a lot of work that he needs to do so I can’t take him serious..

Anyways I don’t know what else I’ll do today but it’s nice to be able to reach out here and talk to all of you I have been writing just been private for a while and I alternate between both

$$ day today