Friday, maybe? in The Crimson Permanent Assurance

Good lord, is it finally Friday? I don't even know. I have been on overtime since sometime this morning (Friday morning). I just want to crawl into bed and fall asleep because YOU GUYS. I am so seriously over this week. Sleep has been so questionable. I didn't sleep much at all Thursday and then today was Chantal's sister's baby shower which i refused to miss. I made buffalo chicken dip and chocolate eclair pie this (Friday) morning before I fell into bed. We went out to Chantal's at 4pm. I haven't slept more than 5 hours at a time all week. I just can't seem to catch up on sleep.

I am conniving to get Tim to take me out next Friday night (I took the night off) to a live music thing that a guy I trained weeks ago runs. I hope it actually happens because it has been awhile since we did anything remotely adult. New Year's Eve at least. So, we will see if that happens. Tim's thing these days is to say he is going to do something and then procrastinate until it is impossible to achieve. Tonight he skipped out on Chantals and said he was going to put in the window A/C's, and an hour and a half after we got home from the baby shower he still hadn't done it. It just ticks me off because, for real, procrastination is not an option for me. But it is for him. I am bitter, that's nothing new.

You guys, I can't even tell you how hard I am really trying to be a better person, wife, parent, whatever. But I just want to go down the rabbit hole and never come out. It is such a struggle for me these days. I am seriously contemplating taking The Pills because I just don't feel anything other than disappointment, rage or indifference. I promise I do feel happy every now and then, but it just doesn't seem like it's right. I am incapable of tellling whether my life really sucks this much, or if it is chemically Wrong. I don't know. I can't even tell whether the fact that I am concerned about this means I am OK or not.

But, I am still here.