Out in QUOTIDIEN

Anne-Marie spent Wednesday night at her friend's house so that her support system, for her first day back to school following Dave's death, would begin from the moment she woke up on Thursday. Her dedication towards taking that first step was admirable, and I count it as a win that she made it until after lunch. Today, she stayed with me.

She wonders about those things we do not know. 'Was daddy afraid?' We have no word of any struggle against his encroaching death, and so I comfort her with the idea that as sudden and as massive as his M.I. was, there likely was no time for him to register anything at all.

I also chose Thursday as my Out-of-Death day. The hardest part was the drive home. The rush to make it back to my brave girl - and the reluctance to get back to the house that has lost it's home'ness - wreaked havoc on my emotions for 30 miles.

An entire week has gone by since I became a widow. How is that possible?! Where the hell does time go while our heads are bowed towards the grave?! Only Death could be so bold as to taunt us with life!