Hailing Frequencies. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

My phone is nearing brick status. “Gee, Timmy, your Blackberry was so not fetch when you got it.”

Blackberry is fetch. Blackberry is always fleek and on point and radical, you neo-maxi zoom-dweebie.

I seriously do not understand how phones are getting MORE expensive. Ten years ago, a USB floppy drive cost $20. Now, a USB DVD drive costs about $20. Technology is getting better and smaller, yet these mini-entertainment systems are packed with more and more shit I don’t want.

It’s like how cars now have their own operating system. Oh, don’t start arguing how cars have had rudimentary computers in them. When in doubt, follow the Adama Rule.

What do I want in a phone? I want a communications device.

That second image is a Blackberry Torch. That was my previous (3rd) phone and IT WAS AWESOME. Would be still using it if the touchscreen didn’t get wonky. Yes. The touchscreen. I FUCKING HATE TOUCHSCREENS.

I want a communications device. Two-way audio communication, and two-way short-message capabilities. What’s that in marketing terms? “Talk and text.”

Oh, I’ve thought of getting a flip phone, but after having qwerty, I can’t go back to the thumbpressing of hell that was using a 123 numpad on a phone. (Bet you never noticed a keyboard numpad is 789 at the top.)

My first cell phone in… I think ‘09. Only got one because Candi was really annoyed at calling the landline. I had internet and a hardline, why get a phone? Gosh, for what it was, I loved that little phone. I had a shitty pay-as-you-go AT&T plan. Which, honestly, was awesome. So freaking cheap. Spent maybe $10 a month.

Second phone, Samsung Gravity 2.

Pretty good at what it did.

Fourth phone, which is the longest one I’ve had, is a Blackberry Classic.

There’s your random HISTORY OF PHONES.

I love Blackberry, but they’ve moved out of the manufacturing business. And while I’m fine with T-Mobile, I don’t really care about switching carriers. As long as I keep my number, whatever. I don’t use apps and I seriously don’t understand why a PHONE needs a camera. DS9 conference calls are one thing.

But can you imagine if Star Trek had awkward selfie-conversations? It would have aged as well as the Spock Goggles.

Okay, bad example. That’s so bad it’s good.

It’ll be fun to see what cheap phones I can find that would make most teenage girls go “but it doesn’t ____”. I… won’t even fathom a guess for what kids these days even use their phone for. Gosh, why didn’t Apple just rename the iPhone something other than a phone, so a phone could mean a PHONE, and we’d be saying something silly like Banana instead?

I’ve taken up enough of your time today.

As an aside, has it concept of critical mass of media been posited? There has been so much media and culture created that nobody can possibly consume, process, and absorb it all in a lifetime. For every Breakfast Club, there are dozens of other films and books from the same era that have gone under the radar. Or were on the radar, but have fallen off the “you gotta see this” list as the hindsight vision gets narrower and more selective.