In My Heart in Simple Man

I don't even know why I bother being loyal to any man. Seriously, I should be full on jaded by now, but here I am staying loyal to a man that will probably not see freedom again for 20 plus years. At least he didn't get the death penalty.

I have found out so much since Rob was arrested. For instance he had hooked up with me before Tina and him were through. That pisses me off because I don't do women like that. If I had known they were still together at the time he had asked me to get back with him I never would have.

I have forgiven him, but I won't be able to trust him fully again. He has redeeming qualities, but this shit really sucks. I promised him loyalty, and told him I would stick by him through his incarceration. I will be there for him as much as I can be considering I won't ever be able to make love to him again.

I do love him. I don't know why I am one of those women that is willing to accept a convict. Maybe because I am an ex con myself? It's been almost 20 years since I was on adult probation & parole though. I changed that part of my life.

Rob and I have known each other since 1981. He's my oldest son's father. The son I did not get to raise because I was too young when I had him. I rarely speak about my sons. One lived, one was stillborn. I have no children that I raised. I absolutely loathe speaking about this so that is all I will say about that subject.

Where did life go so wrong for us? even as children and teens Rob and I were both wild. We both suffered tremendous abuse, and both have anger issues. I learned to manage mine though. He didn't unfortunately. We've both had diagnosis of Bi-Polar, but I was re-diagnosed with adhd. I still think I am bi-polar though. It's just not as severe as it once was. I did not know he was until a couple of weeks ago when he told me. In hindsight I can tell he battles it, plus his drug addiction doesn't help.

He lies so much which pisses me off. He always comes clean, but only after I put him in check. I am so empathetic and compassionate when it comes to him. I know I can't fix him, and I know he'll probably never see the outs again, but I choose to stand by him. I just wish I knew why I am the kind that will do that when most just don't give a fuck about people incarcerated.

He thinks I am his angel. I think he is blowing smoke up my ass, but it's cute nonetheless. Sigh. My life is such a trip.

I went shopping again. There is food for days up in this house so I don't think I will be eating out for awhile. Meh, that's all I have to say for now. Take it easy Prosebox peeps.