I Keep Staring At A Blank Screen... in Hello

With a full brain...but I can not find the words to put down.

My feet hurt at the moment. The job is going well and I'm finally on a machine instead of a saw and getting some training.

I woke up some odd days ago with the song, "Santa Monica," by Theory of a Deadman. Not really a fan said band but for some reason that song has a certain somber feel to it that triggers my mind into gear about past friends and loves.
I really miss Stephanie.

We had known each other since high school but never really hung out one on one till about a decade ago. She always used to make fun and pick on me. Not to be mean...well, okay, yeah, she was being a bitch but she was the type expecting a retort. Actually that last line made me smile and emit a small laugh. One night her, Ben, and I were all hanging out. Ben had to go pick up his then girlfriend Kelly from a bar. Steph and I took a shot and she got sick. What was weird is the night ended with us cuddling on the couch. To this day I have no idea how it happened. From that moment on her and I had the BIGGEST bond.

I loved her. Simple as that. She will always hold a special place in my thoughts (well...sometimes, more on that in a few, and my heart.) We almost ended up in a relationship that summer, however, she was accepted in to Auburn for the fall semester and she went. I continued to see her on holidays and during summers...though looking back I never once made the three hour trek to see her. Something, to this day, that actually saddens me.

A few years later, it was '07. Towards the end of September, she and I had kind of lost touch. She began to hang out with Jew a lot then. Yes, I have a friend we called Jew...he called himself that. In fact he preferred, "The Dirty Jeeeeew." Worse yet, that son of a bitch was my old drug/drinking partner. They both dropped by here one night. It felt awkward. Well, some odd months later, during summer '08, she had gotten a pretty decent apartment and we ended up in each others company. It was...strange? Strained, at best? We were still friends but that closeness was gone...I don't believe it ever coming back. Not saying that I was looking for a relationship, mind you. I just missed my old friend and that bond we had. We got together maybe three times, if even that, at her apartment. She told me that she had stopped hanging out with Jew for it, "got to like when you and I were just doing nothing but hanging out."

Maybe this is just me airing out some long over due dirty laundry that's been trying to escape (this isn't the first time I've tried to write this), but even after six years now that comment still carries a sting to it. Last I saw her was '10, downtown at Voodoo Lounge. Dave Anderson was playing, I was there alone if I remember correctly, her and I chatted at the end of the bar like we had just became acquainted earlier in the evening. We met as perfect strangers and ended the night as the same.

C'vest la vie, so they say...

Not that it matters much anymore now. I deleted my Facebook account January 3rd, 2011 and haven't looked back. It astonishes me still how quickly you lose contact with people just from getting rid off some idiotic, "LOOKITMEOMGZZZZ," website will do to you social life. Not that I'm complaining, I have grown to appreciate my privacy a lot more these days...especially since I have removed myself from the social loop of people I used to know and keep only a small core of distinguished individuals in my life.

But sometimes...I do miss them...