What is So Wrong in Journal

with creating meaning and purpose from our children?
I have been thinking about this since yesterday, when I revealed to semi-acquaintance at Judo that I wanted more kids. Another Judoka said something like “You’re going to make up for all the kids I’m not having.”
I noticed an immediate loss of respect for this individual. Not only a loss of respect, but a loss of trust. That below the surface assumption that people around me value life, family, children, seemed to become quite naive. Suddenly, I experienced that odd sensation of “what are you even doing, then?” And it was a genuine curiosity, not some snarky dismissal.
I still wonder. What is the purpose of the antinatalist? I suppose that anyone who is alive and hasn’t committed suicide enjoys the natalist beliefs and actions of all that came before him. How then, does the antinatalist face his ancestors? How does he justify his existence?
I am not saying that everyone should have children. Far from it. I think very, precious few people should have children, because bad parenting has created such a burden for parents today. But I wonder how the circle is squared? What value is replacing the dirth- the conspicuously empty heart and mind and soul of the antinatalist?
I have come up against the argument that one should not, in fact never, make their children their life’s purpose or focus. Almost everyone I’ve spoken to about it has this position. And, everyone that says that, when I inspect their relationship to their children, has been an abysmal parent. I can only surmise that in being a failure, seeing success or the progress to better parenting is more painful than they can bear.
And look. I know that I am intelligent. I know that I am talented. I know that I could write a novel, or ten, in the years that I am taking to raise just one child. But the quality of my relationship to my child is infinitely more meaningful than anything else I could possibly do with my time.
A lot of parenting, I think is remembering what it is to be a child. My mother was intelligent, ambitious, driven, energetic, creative, all of that! I think that I am more of those in every respect, but I appreciate the qualities she has. Except that, she never shared them with me. I was never the focus of her attention or efforts. I was an inconvenient and sometimes embarrassing fact. And, that made all of her otherwise laudable characteristics hateful to me. I mean, it’s one thing to miss the bus to school. But if you miss the bus to the amusement park, it’s an infinite Hell of pain and regret that you are experiencing the lack of a tangible greatness.
And that pain of my mother flaunting her considerable qualities around, spending them on everyone and everything that wasn’t me, comes back to be now every time someone suggests that I need to act like she did. “you have too much to offer to just be a mom”, “you’re wasting your potential”, or “he won’t even remember this part of his life, but you could be successful!”. Right. Successful at what? What is more important? Why do you want me to betray my son? And I know that my mom is miserable. She spend all that time and attention on everything else for my entire life. And now she wants me. She spent her fortune on a career, friends, her parents, her stuff, and now she wants me to start paying her dividends on a bankrupt relationship. Don’t get me wrong- I did for awhile. I really did because ‘its the right thing to do’, she told me.
But… it’s not. It’s not right. She spent that fortune, and she should enjoy the retirement she earned. She should bask in her career success, remember all the trials and tribulations, and triumph and failures at her leisure. And she should know the cost of her choices.
And what is so goddamned wrong with creating purpose and a life from my relationship with my child(ren)? Just because it’s inconvenient for people who failed in that regard? And I say this because I have yet to hear a good argument against it. I really would like to know. What is so wrong with it?