The Whites of My Eyes. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I haven’t seen them completely in three years. I have a feeling, a good feeling, that this may the end of the levels of puffiness or otherwise bloodshot eyes I have endured.

After the eye doctor appointment two days ago, I went to pick up my prescriptions. They were out of the drops until yesterday. So, I got some oral antibiotic, and got the drops yesterday.

Anecdotally, I awoke yesterday with a feeling that my eyes felt better on the pill alone. Because google-fu, this stuff is apparently the antidote to malaria. (No, I don’t have maleria.) Doxycycline Hyclate apparently has the side effects of light sensitivity and eye blurriness.

Guess what I already have. : D

I got to the gym this morning. It’s a slow healing process, but compared to how it has been, my eyes felt a lot better. Oh, still driving with one - righte stays shut. Haven’t fully driven with both eyes this year. I typically have my eyes blinded by any light, and the wateriness makes it VERY difficult to see. Not so much today. So, despite me noting a touch of blurred vision, my overall vision is BETTER despite being blurred.

Trust me.

I’d gotten so used to blotting my eyes during my routine. Even if it’s just treadmilling. Think I blotted only twice today on the dreadmill, if only out of habit.

As for the drops, I’ve had an antibacterial/steroid combination before, at least twice, and it tends to work. In concert with nutrition and sans poison, I hope to salvage what’s left of my vision.

You have to understand, I’ve had moments in the past year when I resigned myself to going blind. All “Whelp, this is my life now, at least I have my hearing.” ‘I’ve given up’ style depression sucks.

I was hoping my 12 drops a day ordeal last November would have put me on the right track. Alas. Corneal ulcer. AN ULCER IN MY LEFT CORNEA. Geez. To think I went in for a check-up because I wanted new glasses. (They’re over a dozen years old.)

The things I want to do, but find difficult because I can’t see. Watching media is problematic. Oh, I can experience, it, but I haven’t been able to look long, as it bothered my eyes.

I have to laugh when I see those “type this word with your eyes closed” sharables on facebook. Seriously? I wrote most of my novel last november with my eyes closed, only openning occasionally to spellcheck. Most of this entry? Barely even looking at the screen. The term “touchscreen” is ironic, as there is nothing to touch. Whereas, there is far more tactical feedback from a keyboard, both in physical sensation and sound. Yes. Tactical, rather than purely tactile. : D

(google-fu says it’s ‘haptic’ feedback. This is why I STILL press harder on touchscreens when they don’t work, despite logically knowing that’s not how to make it do the thing.

Side note: When you take a picture on any digital device, you generally will hear a sound. Film used to click. Would a visible cue work for digital cameras? Don’t know. But, for your average selfie, that chirp is easy feedback to know I can drop the pose.

I digress. (Gosh, have I used that as a title before? I know I have accepted recycling titles at this point.)

Anyway. Media, video games. Book reading. Distance vision. (I drove 1350 miles back when I could see well enough out of both eyes.) Laying out by the pool without being blinded. An afternoon jog without being blinded. GETIING THE MAIL WITHOUT BEING BLINDED.

Otherwise, emotionally, I feel akin to how I felt on Lexapro, except more natural. The looming nonspecific anxiety feels farther away and nonrelevant. No stimulants, no depressants, no sleep aids. Only real vice is chocolate, and I intend to taper that down after this month.

Maybe in a month or two I’ll work on my visceral fat, but one checkpoint at a time. Unlike the last three times I’ve tried reigniting the inner gymrat, I’m feeling optimistic this time, rather than dragging myself and feeling tired or unmotivated.

Well.

I think there’s your babbling for now. Never forsake a full head of hair and good eyesight.