Sleepless in She'attle in anticlimatic

I get no sleep, and I blame my “partner” for it. We share a cramped full size bed which also happens to be back-pain-inducing shot. Even sleeping on it alone (an extremely rare event) wakes me up after a single sleep cycle. I’m a side sleeper, and I like to extend my arms across the bed in front of me when I do. My partner insists on sleeping on the outside of the bed, which wedges me up against the wall with my arms constantly balled up and falling asleep long before my mind ever has the pleasure. There’s times when I am trying to fall asleep that I feel so overwhelmingly boxed in and claustrophobic that I have panic attacks and have to get up and walk around the apartment for a while. In addition to our tiny shitty bed, we also have a piece of shit couch, that once every couple months or so I decide to try sleeping on instead- and like clockwork, I get zero sleep instead of a couple hours sleep, which was the case tonight (last night?). It’s now dawn on one of the biggest days of my life- I have an appointment to close on a house at 4, and a mountain of hard work to accomplish before that. Last night I got zero sleep. The night before it was a couple hours I think. I don’t know if I can go on like this. The new house will give us more space, but she’s already vetoed the idea of having more than one bed to work with. She also refuses to try sleeping on the couch, and when I bring up ordering a small bed that I can use on emergency nights when I really can’t sleep she shits all over the idea until I stop talking about it. She also complains daily that we never have sex, but without anything resembling decent sleep I just am never in the mood for it. You’d think she’d put two and two together and do something (anything) to help me sleep, but her short term selfishness can’t seem to get out of the way of her long term selfishness. Each sleepless night that passes brings me closer and closer to wanting to snap and completely oust her from my life strictly so that I could once again sleep…but I’m hoping that holding out for a few more weeks until we can get into the new house will help matters. I will be setting up a guest room that I can retreat to if need be, and if she doesn’t like it she can leave.

Last updated June 01, 2021