Feeling kind of in Journal

Sick.
I feel like my life is being narrated by Lloyd deMauss’s historical psychology texts.
Virtue is knowledge plus courage
Well. Ill tell you what. It sure takes courage to dig up some of this knowledge.
I’ve been thinking a lot about virtue, lately. What is it? What isn’t it? And, i do think that virtue is in a way the opposite of evil. Evil is something that you do. Evil is a vioaltion of basic individual integrity and choice. Like rape, assault, theft and murder are all by definition evil. But you can simply refrain from doing these things. Refraining from evil doesn’t make you good, though. It just means that you are not evil.
Virtue is likewise something that you do. Likewise, refraining from virtue doesn’t make you evil. It just means that you are not good.

If evil is the violation of choice, then virtue is the enhancement of choice.

If becoming addicted to a substance reduces my own choices, then its not evil. Its just not good.
But if I violate someone else’s choice, like lace their water with some addictive substance, then that is evil.
And, if I embark on the road to knowledge and put in the hard work to cure my own addictions and therby enahnce my choices, then I am doing good. My addiction is avoidance of knowledge. Perhaps, because much of what I already know is too painful to my many defensive parts. Some of my parts scream in agony and some intellectualize, some space out and some look for distractions - any distraction! But the majority are now integrated. And what my integrated parts find is just as disturbing to them as my reactionary parts.
I don’t know if I will go into the details here, in public. But my history has become more clear and, more sickening.

Last updated May 29, 2021