Ball Of Anger in Hello

I’ve not had a cigarette in almost 48 hours. Made the decision yesterday to stop dragging my feet feeling sorry for myself and DO something to improve my perceived image of me.

But dear lawd, the nicotine withdrawal has me wanting to go out and commit heinous acts of violence. I’d love a punching bag…or a certain person to break their fucking nose. Then knee caps. Yeah. That’d be good.

I’m going to go through so much gum in the next week.

Three hours later…
Took a pain reliever for my shoulder and a sleeping pill. Chewing vigorously on mint gum (menthol smoker) and about to read before sleep. I’m not as spent up as I was earlier but damn, I wanted to rip out my steering wheel on the drive home from work.

One hour later…
FUCKING SLEEP ALREADY!
I’m tired as hell!
But I’m just laying here in bed staring off into the inky blackness…

Almost two hours later…
FUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Wide awake…
Please, give me a syringe filled with the good stuff, I’ll stick myself, just remove the needle if I pass out too quick.

And to think the last two days I wanted to get up around ten and go for a mile or two walk. I’m gonna feel so shitty when I get into work this afternoon.

Last updated May 19, 2021