A friend like a tumor in Boredoms

I think I may need to stop having friends. I love the friends I have now, it's not a situation where I don't love them. It goes back a few months. A friend I loved a great deal and had known for about 10 years cut me out of her life. I didn't understand it at first, I thought it was about this fight we had that night. We never had any real fights like that, not much more than just disagreements or misunderstandings so I didn't know why one fight over such a small thing would cause her to end things like that. But, I'm male and even though I'm not very manlike I guess I'm just as dumb as one. Tons of friends have just cut me out like that. It wasn't that one fight, that fight was just the final straw. I'm sure I did/said tons to lower her opinion of me of she was just too nice to tell me I was doing things wrong. It's perfectly logical to assume it'll happen again.

The worst part of it has been still following her on facebook. I couldn't bring myself to remove her...maybe I thought she might still give me another chance but ever since she got rid of me her mood has been improving. She has a lot of positive posts and she seems like she's doing way better. Today there was one about making positive changes in her life. I know this wasn't about me but I'm a self-centered dick so that's what I read into it. I can't think of anybody who was once my friend whose life didn't improve after tossing me away. I like that she's doing great, but I'm devastated that it couldn't happen with me in her life. I always thought I was a bad person but I never really realized just how bad.

I'm not very smart. I have decent spelling and if I try hard enough I can sound like I am but I know I'm not. My best friend Kelly is very intelligent and it intimidates the hell out of me. She's kept me around even though she really has no need to. At this point we really only hang out when we watch shows. We have to, otherwise we have to talk and she'll remember how boring I am. We watch Hannibal tonight and I thought up stuff to talk about before it started and during commercials. That's how sad I am...I have to come up with conversation ahead of time so I don't seem totally stupid.

I must be doing this to my remaining friends. I don't know how but I have to be making everybody in my life miserable.