Rocky's appointment and stuff dump in Second 1st

I had expected to be further than this today by the time Rocky had gotten up..... I don’t like putting in entries while he’s awake because I tend to read them to him afterwards.... and if something upsets me and I cry.... then I have to deal with that which I do better at when I’m alone.

Usually nothing interesting happens.... and it piles up and then it feels interesting. That is the case here I guess.

How about some pics. I’m apparently pretty good at crocheting stuffed things.... wish I was better at the sewing part but things are looking pretty good.


Gengar! and round one of bunnies and booties from my drunk promise.

I actually really like this bunny not having a face.... but being as it’s going to small children I decided to attempt a bigger one and give that one a face.... then I have a whole other skein of colors to do the same to.... and then I want to do a Pokeball that the Gengar would fit in..... then the other 2 in his evolution (Haunter and Ghastly). So the project front is full..... not to mention I got a set of texts from Alex about another diamond painting. He’s sent me a pic I’ve got to send out for options.

I went with Rocky to the doctor the 16th and I feel like I was dong most of the talking. The doctor kept saying “the last time I saw you in July 2019.” I’m sure that was the last time we saw that doctor.... it was annoying though as Rocky’s been to some doctor every 2-3 months and we’ve gotten nothing. Anyways, this was the lung guy. Told him we’ve checked on his heart even had a camera put into a vein and still nothing seems wrong. I ask if he’d gotten a chance to look at the CT scan Rocky was able to do just a couple months back and he had to excuse himself to go look at it (should have looked at it before appointment). Said he didn’t see anything. So ultimately ASTHMA and possibly anxiety are the cause of this whole thing because there is no other reason. So I said “then he needs a different inhaler, a nebulizer, and a timeline for how long it should take for them to help. He’s not working because of this and we have to do something about that. He has to be able to do stuff.” Rocky sat there honestly a little out of breath as he had just taken some kind of breathing test. The results of the test showed that his breathing has gotten significantly worse since the last visit (in July apparently).

They did everything I asked. He’s on a new daily med that he should see results from within 3 weeks.... and the Nebulizer was ordered. They told him he should see results immediately after use. As far as he can tell this may be the key. He’s slightly restricted this morning and about to do a treatment. The first time it had lasted about 6 hours before he started getting restricted again so I’m buying a carrying case for him to take the nebulizer with him places and possibly an adapter for his car for power or even some type of small generator.... I don’t know.... I’m hopeful that there is some type of build up and that over the next short period of time the treatments last longer and longer. Like 6 hours today/ 3-4 treatments and 10 in 2 weeks .... with treatments twice a day either way.....

He purposely was more active the first day he did a treatment. Went and got another temp control panel for my car at Pull-a-Parts, went to McKay’s, Bath and Body Works (he was out of body wash and they were out of the sent we liked :( ) then went to some comic store and lunch. I was unwell and dizzy by the end and he was a bit restricted but another treatment and he was feeling better.

After all this I’m happy and angry.... it’s a bit to sort out.... The first time we’d gone to the lung guy Rocky had told him Ït doesn’t feel like asthma.” ..... Then there was 2 meds he’d tried.... Then after he finally got the CT scan done.... “maybe it is asthma”..... but it could have been the asthma in the beginning. We could have gotten a Nebulizer July 2019?..... all this … the not working.... the stressing out about doing it alone.... the lack of physical intimacy.... the using the cart at the store when I need it.... the bucking up and doing things that need to get done because too much physical causes chest pain..... because ït’s not asthma”..... “but maybe it’s asthma”..... and really in the end.... if he’s got to spend 15 mins breathing into a machine a few times a day to feel better I’m happy about it.

I’ve an ex-boyfriend ..... from high school.... so ex like when I was 15? ..... I did have a very short period when I lived with him when I was 18 (2 months?) and an even shorter period when I worked with him (a week?) in 2009? .... we are friends on FB and it wasn’t long ago he was homeless … then recovering from being an alcoholic. Currently he is clean and on disability with his own apartment. He messaged me out of the blue one morning (some 4am? wtf? too early for most people) and during the course of the conversation I told him about Meniere’s and my daily difficulties. I asked him about the disability process and if you can work while that’s taking place. Now he wants me to come visit with him and just let it all out. It sounds nice really but..... he’s back in Lewisburg.... a 45min drive. I’d have to inform my mom in case they saw me and meet them for dinner or something. I don’t have days where I feel that okay..... most days start at 3am.... (will tell you in a moment about this morning) Then it’s determining if I’m going to be able to handle the day drug free.... with or without meds (depending) I feel better by 9-10 and almost normal by noon most days. Sometimes I think I can do things and I go back to not so good and others I wish the day was longer because I feel like I’m getting things done but everyday I’m in bed by 7. .....

Last night Joe (that ex I just mentioned) messaged me at 6:30.... I was just about to go lay down and honestly he felt like an annoyance. Trying to explain I don’t really go anywhere alone if I don’t have to. That upon explaining why things are so difficult I will cry no doubt and upon crying I will likely have issues..... dizziness, headache, migraine..... and I’ll be stuck there with no one to drive me home. Just because he wants to talk.... and it’s not like I can say a day .... because I won’t know until that morning if that day is a good day or not. sigh...... I don’t know that I want to do all that either way because well.... he says that a newfound belief in God is what got him out of the gutter. I feel as though he’s going to force that on me like my life would get so much better if I made time for church or something.

There was solid talk of weekend shift coming back as of the 7th of May.... they even went so far as to tell people who was on what shift (I got weekends!) but it’s been postponed till June? because the main plant is missing parts...... so there is that :(

The latest spinning dream - Rocky and I were going somewhere.... he was driving and there were a few hills that were progressively higher.... like a rollercoaster only backwards.... when we went up a really tall one and got flung off the world.... went so high we saw the curvature of the earth and somehow I did some calculations to determine we would come down in the ocean. I told him to roll his window down but not to undo his belt till after we hit the water.... we started falling.... and spinning but we never hit before I woke..... Thank God most nights I don’t dream anymore.

I guess that’s it for now....I’ve got an appointment to see if a once a month shot would be good for me in 4 days. Then of course I’ll have to make an appointment to get said shot if it’s a viable option.

Last updated April 25, 2021