Monday - 23.09.13 in Your Face

I ended up getting up and going for a run. Admittedly, I didn’t get up early, just at my usual 5:45am. I grumbled my way into my shorts and running shoes, packed my work gear, make up etc into a bag and drove in to work. There was a moth buzzing around inside the car last night, and he hadn’t made his way out like I had thought, so there was a bit of arm flapping and all the windows down on the way in. Still not sure if he made it out or not.

I had a fairly horrendous attempt at jogging. I was planning 1 minute jogs, with 2 minutes walking in between to catch my breath (smoking gives you emphysema, kids). Well, I did 2 rounds of that, then stretched my walking intervals to 3 minutes. I only got 5 jogs in total, and 13 minutes of walking, so 18 minutes total. Pretty lame. I just wasn’t feeling it, I guess. I am going to take my 1 hour track tonight after dinner, and I get 6 little jogs in on that route. I will feel better after doing that, I think.

I am very nervous about being a bulging mess in this dress on Friday. Did I tell you about that? A woman in my office is retiring (23 years working here) so they’re throwing her a retirement party at a really snooty club. I have pulled out an old cocktail dress to wear, but it’s a bit tight, particularly in the bust area. I bought some shapewear, but haven’t had a chance to try it on with the dress because the dress is in being dry cleaned. I just don’t want to look lumpy and bumpy, but I cannot afford to buy a new dress. I am already moaning over the $100 I spent on the shapewear, a pair of shoes and earrings and a ring to wear (even though that was getting off lightly!). I just don’t own anything suitable – do you remember the trouble I had trying to find an outfit for those weddings last year?

I wish I could stop clinging to the computer, checking to see if M is online. Why am I chasing after someone who can’t be bothered to drop me a line to say hello? I am so stupid. I’m angry with him for being distant and (I think) selfish, but I would do anything to be able to speak with him. And say what? I don’t even know. He probably doesn’t want to talk to me because he knows I will ask if he has work yet. God, I paint such a bad picture of him in here, but I suppose I rely on this more when I am upset with him than I do when things are good with us. And things are good with us, we’re not having a “fight” or anything, I am just struggling with how disappointed I am with him.

I am just trying to focus on everything else. I am keeping myself very busy at work by taking on the receptionist tasks, meaning I have far too much to do each day. I am working on my jogging, and forcing myself to exercise at least 5 out of 7 days. I am committing to doing stuff with my friends.