Everytime I go... away... I take a piece of you with me... in I Can't Believe It's Not Twitter™... Spray!

(Wow, that song is a lot creepier the other way around.)

So, not long after I started doing the online journaling thing again, something happened that I might write about in a less public venue, but the end result has impacted the frequency of my writing. (It's not the sole cause of my absence/relapse, but a considerable one.) Anyway. I hope to rectify that in some way, shape, or form in the near future, but in the meantime I'm speaking rather vaguely, so... here's a brief update to this here Twitter-related book. Thing.

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Daylight Savings Time is such a clock tease.

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"Oh, you found our God Mode? Well, good luck using that on the levels where you have to protect someone else or fail." - evil game designers

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I just got a Promoted tweet about equipment to burn discs in bulk! It's like they read my mind from ten years ago.

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You can now pre-order the new Johnny Cash album.
Things like this make me uncertain of how I feel about the 21st century.

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Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop to look around once in a while, you could miss-- THERE IT GOES! Behind you! Quick, it's... nevermind.

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#ThingsWeTakeForGranted Free ketchup packets.

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Hey, Granola Bar Makers: could you please make these with less sugar than a serving of peanut butter sugar wafers?

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Whoever coined the phrase "potty mouth" didn't stop to consider what a hilarious phrase that is to a 3-year-old. "No YOU'RE a potty mouth!"

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I used to say facetiously stupid things, but the sincerely stupid people have taken all the fun out of it.

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If you ever type "What song has the lyric [insert lyrics here]?" into Google, you've typed five words more than you needed to. Just FYI.

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"We're shutting down! Thank you for years of support!" - Email from a website I have no memory of whatsoever. (Is this passive aggression?)

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International Day of Happiness is tomorrow, when we pay tribute to all of the happiness that has sacrificed itself over the years.

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Fact: the telephone was invented long before sliced bread. And yet sliced bread still gets all the glory.

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According to Buzzfeed, I'm a frickin' unicorn. I'm starting to wonder if maybe the internet contains some misinformation.

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Trivia: I can never hear someone utter the phrase "It won't cost much," without blurting "Just your VOICE!" in response.

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Phobophobia is a fear of phobias, first brought to public awareness by FDR's famous "The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself" speech.

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"By the way, a lot of people want to eat here tonight, so your entrees will be double their usual price." - if restaurants used hotel logic.

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Excel: "Warning: This number is formatted as text."
Me: "Yes, because you keep trying to do weird things to it."
Excel: "Oh." hangs head

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Is it unfair of me to observe that the only rude Canadians I've ever met have been French Canadian?

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I think it's time for Nicolas Cage to do the Capitol One credit card ads for a change.

"What's in your wallet? A shark or something?"

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Let's get classical, classical; I wanna get classical, let's get into classical, lemme be Rachmaninoff, Rachmaninoff, lemme be Rachmaninoff.

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President Obama needs to hold a brief press conference saying, "The Onion is a satirical website, and not factual. Thank you and goodnight."

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Seems ironic that the least reliable staples I've ever bought were from a store named after them.

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My browser's spellchecker doesn't know the word "dystopian." Must be a Facebook dictionary.

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It's hard for my brain to not take it personally that most of my accomplishments occur if and when I don't think about them very much first.

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NBC shutting down Television Without Pity (TWoP) is yet another example of why I hate it when big companies buy up the smaller startups. =T

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[Article]"What if everything you knew about poverty was wrong?"
Then that would mean it's a religion centered around platinum dolphins named Steve.

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As part of a healthy lifestyle, we keep our refrigerator stocked with a variety of fresh organic fruits and vegetables which then rot there.

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It amazes me how many people announce on Twitter that they're on vacation. I for one would never provide burglars with such a heads up.
[Posted that while on vacation.]

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The shop next to my office keeps playing the country song "I Like Doin' What She Likes." I cope by singing that line in Sling Blade's voice.

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Suggestion for Cons: if you have a very popular guest, maybe have an overflow room w/ a simulcast of the Q&A panel. Better than being SOL..

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Fact: if you stacked all of the cassette tapes that Justin Bieber has sold in the past thirty years, the stack would be higher than my mom.

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Unless it's purely decorative, every pillow is technically a body pillow.

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I bought a wireless keyboard and mouse at Menard's for $19.99, and it was worth every other penny.

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Some say that you hate in others what you hate about yourself. Which might explain my aversion to sexy geniuses.

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A town in Canada is actually named "Saint-Louis-du-Ha! Ha!"

I'd really like for someone to let me name their town "As-If-You-Didn't-Know."

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So when was it that the tech world decided "Instead of using a precision stylus, let's just rub our big greasy fingers all over the screen."

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If 526k people a year do something, it doesn't mean "someone every minute." That's like saying "Every second, someone celebrates Christmas."

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Dear games with a color-blind mode: You rock. Sincerely, me.

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"Made with the finest quality ingredients that our manufacturing budget can afford and still maintain adequate profits." #MoreHonestSlogans

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I won't alter my driving path for the sake of cheaper gas, but I will gladly go out of my way for a gas station that sells the chips I like.

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Y'know, I'm torn: on one hand, i'd like to keep on living a while longer, but on the other hand, I'd kinda like to try the KFC™ Double-Down.

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Pop-up replies? Congratulations Twitter, you've managed to come up with a feature that's as invasive and unwelcome as something on Facebook.

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To unlock my phone, just make a Z motion. This is supposed to be a secret, but anyone who glances at the streaky screen would figure it out.

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According to recent news reports, Internet Explorer is awful and I don't know why you'd need news reports to tell you this.

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You may say I'm a dreamer... but I'm not the only one... so just back off, man! Sheesh. Some people. #FirstDraftLyrics

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Okay, that's all for now.