Approved in Current Events

After learning that my car payments were done Toni called me to let me know that we got approved for the apartment. The lease starts on May 1st but as soon as it’s ready he will let us move in. If the weather wasn’t frigid again the day would have been perfect.

I got my haircut yesterday, the person who cut my hair got me so flustered. Never have I been asked so many questions and then she kept needing me to look in the mirror. That was hard to fake. I haven’t been able to look in a mirror in over a year now. I still have some dissociation. My imposter syndrome is gone for the most part, I don’t feel like a stranger in my life. If we are wondering what I mean, I had changed so much so fast that I couldn’t connect to anything or anyone the same way. That was when I transcended my identities. Anyway, with the mirror I just look at what I need to and then get out. My new hairline I don’t look at, I don’t know what it looks like but I know what it feels like lol. I’m weird.

I have been fantasizing about sleeping in my own bed again. Getting to buy plants and small things like that. I’ve never had a balcony to chill on. If it ever gets warm again I’m looking forward to that. I’m looking forward to it all. Naturally, my mind is also trying to find problems. The washer and dryer in the bathroom which connects to my room. The idea of Toni barging in to do laundry when I’m just trying to cut myself off from the world is pre-annoying me lol.

I need to work on reducing my anxiety and fears about what’s happening in the world. In my country. I need to walk in spirit and with spirit and that requires me to not feel any fear. That feels impossible. I have to try. I am just waiting for the rug to be pulled from under me again. Just like last time when I started to get momentum. A vaccine passport and/or mandated vaccine will be what does it. I can’t. I read a post about a constitutional lawyer winning his case that these can’t ever be mandated but I can’t find that case. I can look harder. I’ll take false hope. The constitution and charter of rights means nothing to Trudeau and to the brownshirts, the police. People are claiming their rights and waking right out of airports. With fines that will be thrown out but they know their rights and how to use them. Our government is pretending they have the right to force us to get tested and force us into facilities. People are going along with it. Not everyone though. Some record themselves doing it so others can see how it’s done. Disobedience is the only way out. Germany fought against another lockdown and won. Canada is pretending there is a new variant. The leaked e-mail with their plan was called a conspiracy but it’s all coming true. In that e-mail this ends with military locking up those in camps indefinitely until they take the vaccine and join the debt forgiveness program which takes away our right to own anything. We’ll see though. Why can’t my existential dread be about normal things? I need boy drama.