Amazonia in Every day scata

3/27/21
5:06 am

Didn’t sleep much. Done with the prednisone, thank gawd, but my brain is still a bit fucked up. pfft. I mean, more than usual.

However, I drove the new car today for work, and I like the way it handles. It’s amazing how rough the Blazer was now that I’m driving a newer car. What is it? 2012 Ford Escape. Pam literally picked out a SUV twin to the Focus. lol I like it :)

I made myself drive down Hwy H, the one I wrecked on. I have to do it. Yes, I was freaking out the whole time. Not used to the new car, being on the road I could have been killed on. I swear I only went over 40 mph once, and on the turns that you should go 30? I was going 20. I couldn’t figure out where I crashed though. I would like Pam to point it out to me when she has time.

I could have been silly and taken the other way around, but that would have been a couple of extra miles because I had to go to the pharm. My logical brain couldn’t deal with going the long way around for meds.

Wow. My logical brain actually won an argument?

Aanyhoo…

Was talking to my author Cult member friend last night and got on the subject of chronic illness and all that crap. She battled cancer and where she once could write a book in a few months, “chemo brain” makes it a few years to get one written. We were talking about the phrase “new normal” and how we just don’t like it. It’s not fucking normal in any way going from Mensa to losing words.

I can’t imagine how horrible that affects her. Yeah, I was kinda smart, then fibro started kicking in, the mental illness really started screwing with my head, and I am pretty damn stupid now (or feel that way most of the time). But I was never genius smart. What a toll that must take on the spirit.

Where was I.. oh. lol She said that maybe we could do a colab type thing about shit we don’t like in regards to being chronically ill. The social side of it for us, personally. I’m like, yeah! Cool! so I started going through my “Fibromy ass” book here.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. I know 2016 was a bad year for me but Jesus christ on a crutch all I did was complain and cry about how bad off I was. I got mad at myself reading back over it all.

Please tell me I don’t whine all the damn time now? I honestly try not to. I know I usually start by saying how shitty I feel, but please tell me I don’t go on for an entire two pages?

I copy/pasted a few entries to go back through, and a few links that I had shared that might help me write out a bit of something about “new normal” not being normal.

Not sure how we’ll go about doing it. Youtube I would guess, seeing that she’s on there. Or write an article… whatever. It’s something different, and would get my mind working a little.

Oh sure. NOW I’m tired. When I should be waking up.

See ya.