Over-explaining for a cause. in Like No One Is Reading

The cause is my sanity.

Over-explaining, also known as the fawn response and people-pleasing, is a trauma response. In particular, it is a trauma response for someone who has been gaslit.

I have a lot of trauma. Yeah, a lot of resolved (or so it seems, mostly) trauma, but also a lot of unresolved trauma. I have definitely been gaslit.

Over-explaining is also linked to ADHD - my thoughts are racing and my words can’t keep up and my thoughts often aren’t in a coherent order so my words aren’t, either. I feel like a terrible storyteller. I feel absolutely awful at telling a story from beginning to end because my thoughts are all out of order and whoever I’m telling the story to doesn’t/can’t seem to grasp my point - usually because I haven’t gotten to it yet but I will, I promise I will. Except I feel like I never do.

I feel like I get interrupted a lot and diverted and then I really lose the plot and never really get the chance to get to the point. More often than not, when I get interrupted, I just give up. And then I just feel sad and misunderstood and… a lot of negative things about myself. And it can take a long time to stop thinking about the rest of the things I wanted to say that I didn’t get to. And like, 99% of the time, my point feels really good to me and it’s a thing I really wanted to share, otherwise I’d never have started my stupid, poorly-told story in the first place. Starting a story, telling a story, just trying to get to the point, can be a really difficult thing for me to attempt. Because I’ve gotten used to being interrupted and I just carry the ends of a million stories in my brain, thinking, “No one wants to hear your stupid story.”

People think I’ve come a long way in my mental health and wellness journey, and they’re right, I have. A really, really long way. What they see are my successes, how far I’ve come, and not how far I still have to go. I feel like a child, only just beginning to grow. I feel like I am only now discovering the concept of emotional maturity. I feel less-than other people my age when it comes to that.

My point, I guess, is that yes, I absolutely am kicking ass in life, but also I am not neurotypical. I still struggle with multiple symptoms every, single day. I still have elevated anxiety levels, I still have ADHD, I still have depression and mania. Every. Day.

Be gentle with me, please.