On OnlyFans, Part II: featuring a snarky TimmyOmelette™ walk-through. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Rereading this entry I wrote, I’m tempted to troll and dare a girl to make herself an omelette using my personal style of recipe. Though, might technically be called scrambled eggs with stuff in it.

Specifying no nips. Cleavage tease is okay. But, you’re cooking! No time for that!

Bending over to pick something up? NO! You are cooking, woman! Show some competence! Wiggle your bum to the music with your spatula without losing focus.

After plating your dish, show how you will clean up after yourself. Doing the dishes isn’t sexy - it is responsible.

Now sample what you plated. No erotic moans. Genuine reaction.

Oh. And I will tell her which hot sauce to preseason it with. : D

Nah, it won’t be my medium or hot. But if anyone can pull this off, I will be so amused and impressed.

Don’t care if you use 2, 3, or 5 eggs. Adjust the butter as necessary. Utilize a small pan. Or a bigger pan, if you really are a Woman who knows what she is doing. That whole cutting off butter? If you want. I’m not afraid, and just rub that dairy lubricate and flavor straight all over that pan while holding that fatty stick.

5 on an electric range, 4 towards the end. I grew up on a gas range and really miss it - more control. I drive stick for a reason. I can not help you much - control the flame, Women.

Let us get the iced ingredients out of the way. Sliced peppers. Chopped onions. Spinach.

Yes. Spinach. It is a Warrior’s vegetable.

Stir with the spatula you should already have. To try to warm up the iced ingredients and boil off the water. Toss in a bit of minced garlic. How much? Aren’t you a competent chef? You should know how much. (tsp to tbsp or so - or more, depending on how many eggs)

Stir again. Amount of salsa?

I never measured this. My grandma was born in India, and some things can not be measured, simply improvised. Pour some salsa in. Bland/medium/hot is up to you. (Yes, mild means bland; even if it tastes good. I have never met a mild salsa that had any picante.)

This buys you time, as it will take time for the water in the salsa to evaporate. Stir.

Toss some (presliced from a jar) japapeño peppers on it. Or not, if your tongue is as weak as YO MAMMA. Don’t worry, you won’t need too many. Unless you are stronger than YO MAMMA.

Stir, perhaps with a flip. Duh.

Now, some hot sauce. You may overestimate how much will cause some flare in that cute mouth of yours. As in, you may be fearful of how much to put in. All those previous ingredients? Plus the eggs to come? Test it out and discover for yourself.

“Hot”, they say. With all the above ingredients, the flavor will come out. Mild: Tabasco Chipotlé; Medium: Frank’s Extra Hot; Hot: Yucateca Habenaro. It takes experience to know how much of each hits the sweet spot of picante that is ooooooooh nice.

Stir, flip.

Get the water concentration as low as possible. Spread the mixture out. Toss shredded cheese on. Your discretion. Cheddar? Pepperjack? Provolone? Yo mamma?

Don’t flip. It will take seconds for the cheese to melt. Strike while the iron is hot.

Crack your eggs and toss the insides on the pan. Discard the shells appropriately. (It is okay to rinse your hands if the goo gets on your hands.)

Now it is time to SCRAMBLE. Pause and scramble. Be patient. Watch the mixture. Stir/scramble more. Scrap the edges with your spatula, flip, and repeat. You don’t need to overmix; the ingredients should be evenly distributed by now if you did your job.

Cook. Plate. Serve with sour cream on the side, and a glass of moo-moo. Give a sly grin. Show clean-up procedures of the pan and the spatula..

Pretty simple stuff.

And if you don’t know where to get a good spatula, try Spatula City.

^^^^^

I have done this enough times that I don’t even need to prestage a single thing. I just kind of go.

…In between spray-bottling my four cats to get out of the kitchen.