Trying - 29.04.14 in Your Face

I'm trying to get my mood up. Today I had a few good moments with my work friend, laughing and being silly. I went to the gym and really struggled through my pump class. Bought a salad to eat for dinner.

My period seems to have done one of those disappearing acts where it is horrible and violent one day, and then spends a couple more days being nothing more than a few drops here and there, and feels like a huge waste of sanitary products.

I am still feeling obese, simply because my work pants are TIGHT. I have serious concerns about camel toe. I only have one pair of pants these days, and there's no way in hell I'm buying another pair of pants to last me 6 weeks. They'd have to be navy, which has zero use for me with my other office type clothing. I can't tell whether the 2kg that jumped on me is because of my period, my over-eating over the long weekends, or whether it was the result of me avoiding exercise for a week and a half while I was sick. Probably a combination of all of that.

Either way, I want it off, and then some. The problem is my diet. We know that I have extremely limited kitchen access, but there are ways around it. I just need to make better decisions with the options that I have, and to stop needless snacking. Today my stomach rumbled and growled for a full hour before my lunch break, although I didn't feel hungry. Then lunch came and I felt ravenous, and had my tinned soup and followed it up with a breakfast bar. I felt bad about the breakfast bar because I really didn't NEED to eat it. This is exactly how I manage to blow my calorie budget.

Who knows. Maybe focusing on this will keep my mind from wandering too much.

I have increased the time I am spending reading my second hand books. I have 4 left in the stack of books waiting to be read, and 1 book that I have read a dozen times or more. I am actually avoiding reading that one, even though I picked it up for $1 because I couldn't bear to leave it at the op shop, and I was desperate to read it. I read it over and over and OVER while I was in NM, along with two other books, and I am afraid that it might stir up some emotions for me that I'm not in a position to deal with right now.

I just don't want to run out of books to read. I have a million on my kindle, but I am saving those for when I move and I can't afford to buy books, or access my own books while they are in storage. I carry two books with me everywhere, in case I happen to finish my current book, and need something else to read immediately. Even having 4 books in the queue, I am itching to browse the op shops near my office most days. Perhaps next week I will allow myself to indulge. I consider it to be okay, because all books are $1, and if the book keeps me parked at home I can't spend any money on stupid shit.

Gosh I'm tired. I got into bed at 7:45pm last night and turned out the lights by 8:15pm. Probably didn't sleep until around 9pm, but it was still a super early night. Had weird dreams and couldn't manage to regulate my temperature properly.