New Year, still married :/ in The day to day

Here I am a little over a year later since my ex and I separated, and we’re still married. So frustrating. I finally got a zoom meeting with Legal Aid in January. And because I had a few questions about how the house loan would switch to my name and that whole process, the attorney was supposed to get in touch with the lead attorney. I have not heard anything back from them. I get that they have a lot of clients and are backed up because of the pandemic and not being able to do divorce clinics. But Jesus. I don’t feel like I should always be the one to have to follow up. So with that being said, since we got our second stimulus not that long ago, and we just got our taxes back, AND we are about to get a third stimulus, I have a meeting with an attorney on Thursday. It’s just a consultation. But if I have to pay for this out of pocket then that’s what I have to do to get it done.

Things have been pretty good between my ex and I. We haven’t had any major issues in dealing with the kids or any other part of us being separated. The kids have been consistently going to their dad’s apartment on Wednesdays and every other weekend since September. We got through the holidays with no problem. Things even seemed to be going good with B and his dad. So much so that his therapist decided we could go down to once a month appointments instead of every 2 weeks.

And then last Wednesday happened. I get a text from my ex saying he asked B if he thought he was too old to get a spanking because he was tired of the way B was talking to him and giving him attitude. He said he never wants to do anything, never seems happy, never eats over there, and never wants to have any fun. He said he was tired of B’s attitude and thought maybe he needed stronger medicine or a different therapist.

I responded that B is happy and normal at my house. I get the occasional attitude from him like I would expect from any 13 year old. I told him that I would talk to B and see what was going on. And that sometimes B doesn’t realize he is giving attitude and I have to point it out to him.

My ex said that B has been that way long before he left us. That he has tried to get him to watch movies with him or do other activities. That B wants absolutely nothing to do with him and it was getting irritating. He said he was tired of dragging him places and his morale affecting him and others around him. He said he had been patient but it’s starting to wear thin.

I ended up talking to B yesterday before his dad was to come get him and A. I asked him what happened on Wednesday that caused him to get an attitude with his dad. He said his dad kept asking him if he wanted to do things and he kept telling him no. That his dad kept pushing by asking and he just kept saying no. I will say my ex doesn’t know when to stop pushing. It’s something he always did to B and I was always there to tell him when he needed to back off. I’m not there to intervene anymore. I asked B if he didn’t like his dad and he said that he didn’t. I asked if it started when his dad left or if it started before and he said before he left. I told him I wouldn’t tell his dad that part.

My ex came to get A and B and I told him I needed to have a conversation with him. He asked if B was refusing to come. And I said yes. That we had had a conversation about what happened on Wednesday. My ex said it was fine, he was tired of making him come and him not wanting to be there. He said that B has never liked him and that was part of the reason he left. I was kind of stunned when he said that. I was so glad B wasn’t near to hear it. How can you give up on your kid just because you feel like he never liked you? I would never give up on my kid no matter what. I know he loves him, but he needs to examine himself and understand why B is the way that he is. He can’t push him and push him and push him and not expect some kind of resentment. He needs to change the way he parents.

My ex left with A. At first A was a little hesitant to go without his brother, but he asked if her kids were going to be there and apparently they were so he was okay. I hope A has been okay there without B. I haven’t gotten any texts or calls which is probably a good sign.

When I came back inside after they left, I was crying. Only because I hate this entire situation and the fact that my kids have to go through it. I was sad that my ex and B can’t seem to get along. And I was at a loss as to how to proceed. Is it right for me to make B to go over there or should I not make him anymore and let him decide? I went and talked to B while I was crying and told him he was staying with me. I told him I was sorry that him and his dad can’t seem to get along, but that I know his dad loves him. He gave me a big hug and had tears rolling down his cheeks. I asked if he was crying because I was and he said yes.

I woke up this morning thinking about it. I still don’t know how to proceed but I’m going to try my best to make sure I listen to how B is feeling. I’m anxious for my consultation with the lawyer on Thursday. I hope that it won’t be too terribly expensive, but my parents have also offered to help pay for it. I just hate asking for their help.

In other news, I get my first vaccination shot on Tuesday! They included childcare workers in the last phase for our state and I was finally able to get an appointment. I’m the only one at my work that wants to get it. I work with a lot of POC so I understand their hesitation. There is a lot of misinformation out there. I’m hoping once they see that I don’t have any issues that maybe they will follow suit.

I’ll try to write an update later this week after all my appointments! Fingers crossed the lawyer has good news for me!