Scheduling stress. in Since OD is shutting down....

My daughter didn’t have to be picked up early today!! Yay!!! I had a great day. I drank some coffee, showered, ran to the gas station and got a sandwich. The underneath of my bed was a disaster so I cleaned that up and vacuumed the house. I got a call for an interview next Thursday and I have one this Thursday. I am definitely ready to get back to work. It’s crazy to think about getting a job completely different than what I did for 7 years but I want to see if I would like it just as much as I thought I liked my last job. I won’t know until I give it a chance.

I was looking over my daughter’s school schedule a few minutes ago and she’ll have a 2 week break at the end of March into April and then school lets out in May. I’m not thrilled about this knowing she’s gonna have to go back to daycare but I miss working. I plan to try and keep the same schedule of daytime hours and get some time for myself and maybe just work through the Summer. Ugh, I just don’t know. It’s just so stressful because I’d rather her not go back there because they can’t keep track of her shit but I don’t really want to start her in a new daycare on top of just starting school.

My Mom said we are putting our dog down on Wednesday. They close on their house on Monday so they’ll be getting everything boxed up and ready to go. They’ve gotten most of it done so there won’t be much to do other than load it up and get it to the new house. Mom came and stayed Saturday night. She mentioned being able to take my kid to their house to go for walks and stuff but I told her there would need to be conversation with my Dad and his weirdness first. I would have to feel completely comfortable with it and I probably never will allow it. I told her that it wasn’t her and she understands but I know it hurts her feelings. Well, she chose to go back to him and he doesn’t know how to respect physical boundaries and it makes me super uncomfortable.

My kid’s Dad hasn’t seen her in 6 months. I am just so relieved that my friend finally blocked him and hopefully leaves him that way. I just can’t deal with his stress and toxicity anymore. Even when there is contact with him, the conversation is about anything but his child and he doesn’t get that there is no reason for any kind of conversation unless it’s about her!

So I’ve had some anxiety last night and this morning and about how everything is going to work out. So I’ve decided that if I get this job on Thursday, I’m going to work until school is out in May and then probably just take the Summer off and then go back to work once it starts back up again. I am not going to be stuck putting her back in that fucking daycare and having to sign into it for a year or pay out of pocket for all of it because then it’s not worth it to have a fucking job.

I am just sick of this where there’s no other real option than her fucking daycare! I want to break out of that because it’s expensive, even with help. They can’t keep track of her shit and I spent a ridiculous amount of time worrying what I’m going to replace. I also don’t feel comfortable with her being there or any other daycare because none of them take any accountability for anything! I’m just not going to deal with it anymore!!!