kids need moms after 18 in Bittersweet

Sigh. Ive brought the kid at work leftovers a bit. Today i gave him a huge tupperware of tortalini in red sauce. He asked me why im being so nice to him. Because kid, you clearly still need a mom to help you. Because yours just left you at 18 and called it good. He dosent know how to cook, he had a migraine and didnt know what to take. I gave him two excederine and the tortalini to put something solid in his stomach. I told him because i care about people. Im a care giver. Its what i do. I think thats what makes this so hard. This kid still needs a mom. He isnt ready yet and hes on his own.

Last week i helped a customer and turns out they own a pub. He gave me a card for dinner for 7 ( my fam) as a thankyou. All i did was reccomended some stuff ive tried at work!

Today a girl came in and said her car died did i think anyone had any cables or anyone could help. I have cables in my car. So i took my 10 and jumped her car. She was grateful but kept telling me it wasnt fair i used my break to help her. It wasnt a bother! Turns out, she owns a brewery and gave me a certificate for 20 off for jumping her in the parking lot.

It takes NO time, no effort really to be helpful and CARE. And oddly enough start seeing rewards. Im not trying to get a reward. I just WANT to be helpful. Ive spent so long being upset that no one helps me, or no one gives me things or thinks of me. So im changing SO much about me. Its overwhelming sometimes. Because im still the me i was before. I still WANT all this stuff. I still want to be loved and get attention and shit. But instead, im trying SO hard to be a caring person that people WANT to be around. Instead of just crying why they dont like me.... I still dont have a best friend. I dont have anyone to confide in really. I dont have someone to cry to. Or someone to watch movies with or anything like that. Maybe i never will. But i can at least try my hardest to be someone people want to be around… It takes a lot of effort sometimes. But im trying.

I did do a few things new. I entered into one fiber trade. Im doing 17 lbs of mohair a 50.50 split. Im spinning her wool and i get half of it :D haha. Ive got 2.5 lbs of red mohair drying in my bathroom. Once its dry ill clean it up ( remove second cuts and dirt and veggie matter) and then re weigh ( you loose some weight to this) and then we will see how we are sitting on the first bag!

Then i also found a lady on local BST asking for similar, she has 4 bags of alpaca from her 2 babies and is interested in a spin. Im going to meet up with her on thursday and see what we have. Even though i kinda reacted to the last bit of alpaca i wore . Meh. I can still spin it!

One of my coworkers found my fb page and wants a session. Then another is all, how about a model shoot for exposure. OMFG, yanno i get exposure from a paid session to bitch… Im not a huge fan of that coworker. Im trying again… Grace lol.

Well i better get going, Its my friday. we get 800 chicks into work tomorrow and i may go look at them haha. Just to see what 800 looks like!