A Critical Analysis of Orange Babyhand's Gold Statue. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I’m trying my best to avoid discussing stale cheeto, in the hopes he will fade from the collective discussion. Alas. This is too hilarious to pass up.

(In case this image doesn’t load in the future, it is of 45’s gold statue that was at CPAC.)

The hair and body of this statue has been showered in gold. Gold all over his hair. Gold all over his face. Gold all over his hands and feet. A complete golden shower.

A classic black suit with white undershirt approach. However, it must be noted that his red tie is rather thin, and rather short. Not many things on the groper-in-chief are thin and short. However he has a reputation for having a tie so thick and long it is a wonder he doesn’t trip on it. We can only guess why the zen master of hate presents his tie as thick and long.

The statue is equipped with shorts. This is a confusing choice, as most associate don the con wearing shorts with an embarrassing picture of him playing tennis. This statue does not, in fact, have the Power of Pants. As for the color scheme, it seems like a confused parody of Apollo Creed’s trunks.

One is a towering, powerful figure. Capable of great American deeds, earning the respect of the world. Seeing Russia as a threat that deserves to be challenged. A caring man willing to help both friend and foe.

The other is a statue that got a golden shower and put some awkward clothes on.

In his left hand appears to be a reference to the constitution. This seems inappropriate, as the immigrant-bashing carnival barker is illiterate. Now, this isn’t to mock anyone who has difficulty with literacy. I was a slow reader as a kid. And I sometimes still have difficulty with reading comprehension. The problem is that there is no way lord dampnut COULD read it.

Because discount mussilini has never admitted a mistake in his life. If you can find a single admission of error, it’ll be small peas compared to his body of work in the media. When he makes mistakes in speech, he just keeps going, sometimes repeating his mistake, as if it were correct.

In his left hand is a magic wand with a golden star. I… I um…

I uhh. I um. I’m not sure I have a joke here. He will use it to… give… golden showers to everyone?

AHEM.

Adorning the statue’s feet are red flip-flops. I… again, I’m at a loss for what to say. Red sandals? I get the color symbolism. But. Sandals? Really? REALLY? An artist had to design this, go through revisions, probably get someone else’s approval, and at no point did someone say, “Uh, guys… sandals?”

Is this Faery Surfer Benedict Donald? Will this be in a long line of statues? Kind of like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle action figures? Will there be Bowling Pro Bratman? NRA Captain Chaos? Special Christmas Addition Darth TaxeVader? Will there also be a Girl Scout Melania? Pikachu Pence? Please-Hug-Me-Dad Eric? Ted “The Zodiac Killer” Cruise?

Wait, that last one may be too realistic.

I digress.

I have not watched all of late night yet, so if any of these thoughts are echoed, well. They’re not. I came up with this on the spot. So. THEY COPIED MEEEEE.

Also, if you don’t know what a golden shower is, well. It’s pretty tame. Still....

Last updated March 03, 2021