Last night in Torridaussity Two
- April 27, 2014, 11:53 a.m.
- |
- Public
Last night I decided that what I need best is to be strong and be single and not worry about if I find love from a man. I am loved and it may not be the romantic kind of love, but loved just the same and I don't need to deal with all the issues that come from the men I am meeting. I will still talk to Stuart, he is the one who wants to see if there is something between us, but lives in England. I won't cut him out, but I am weary in life right now and just can't take the crap that the men I meet bring into my life. The last entry wasn't from a random guy from a dating site, he is someone I have been friends with for a long time and that's what I don't get and that's why I got so frustrated. He tells me I am gorgeous, that he wants me in his life, he loves me as a friend and a little bit more, yet I am not good enough to be a girlfriend? I know why with him I just wish he wouldn't tell me these things because it just makes me feel like there is something missing in me and he isn't the first guy in my life that has done this and that's why I am done. Oh the reason I am not good enough in my opinion is he finally told me that he was once in love and still loves this woman, but she won't return the feelings because of some issues and I think he won't let himself move on, which I understand, but and this is where I need to be strong I need to move on. I am putting distance between all the men in my life that I am good enough for but not quite. There are 2 and Stuart if he proves to be another one well then there will be 3. In other news my friend who is deployed that I wrote the letter too and he never responded well I wrote to him to see if he was okay and he never wrote back, but he is one facebook all the time and takes time to respond to people's posts so I know he is ok, I also thanks to facebook know he saw my message. So he is the 4th person I am distancing or I guess 3rd until I see what happens with Stuart. Even if I was pissed at someone for doing something (him at me for writing him a sweet letter), if they reached out to see if I was okay, I would at least answer them. His immaturity and lack of respect truly show me what kind of person he really is and how little he valued our friendship. So I am done with him, I will still pray the he and all soldiers can be safe, but that is it.
I am so weary and torn that I just can't take them anymore. I am the only person that can make me happy and that is what I will focus on.
Deleted user ⋅ April 27, 2014
You are right. When I was able to find happiness being single, it changed a lot of things for me, especially my perspective. I actually started looking into being a foster parent, and changing the direction I wanted my life to go. Then I met Aleyn a few months later. It's strange how these things happen.
One thing to take away from all of this, is that their actions are not a reflection of you. This is all about them and their hang ups and issues. Nothing you have done has warranted the actions of deployed guy, or your long term friend, or the other fellow. I used to get my heart broken regularly, but now, looking at the past, I know that I did very little wrong, that the actions of those that hurt me were all on them. It's hard when people keep hurting you, not to take it personally. I think you have a great approach here.
Always Laughing Deleted user ⋅ April 27, 2014
Thanks I do have a hard time not taking it personally, but last night I really sat down and thought about my future and my past and reflected that I can only be me, I have to love me and if these men can't accept me as I am then it is there loss.
WomanOfSteele ⋅ April 29, 2014
I've been away for a while. But once again we appear to be in the same boat. I'm sorry you're hurting.
I am thinking about staying away from facebook for a while. I will check it now and then to see if anyone has messaged me or what not, but I'm tired of the whole in-your-face social scene there. And now I'm petrified everytime I scroll through that I will come across E's face. Or worse... see him with another girl.