How Do You Wipe? in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

Less an inquiry of specifics, more HOW IS IT POSSIBLE.

Now, this may be shocking information. Girls poop. They defecate. They take massive shits. There are toots and pauses between each evacuation. It smells awful at times. They sit on their porcelain throne, and BOOM.

So.

I was pooping, as Terrans do now and then. And, naturally, I wiped my bum. I don’t know if other males who are equipped with my genitals do this. (NOT INTERESTED IN WATCHING DUDES TAKE A DUMP. Or anyone, for that matter.) I pull my scrotum taut when I wipe. I feel it helps make wiping easier.

And it got me thinking. If you are aerodynamic, as in equipped with a vulva. HOW DO YOU WIPE YOUR ANUS.

Oh sure, you’re versed in the Menstrual Arts. It’s a bloody mess, to be sure. Women make the best murders, as they know how to clean up blood.

And I’m sure most of you know to wipe front-to-back. …Gee, I would hope.

Pulling on the posterior of my scrotum taut aids in wiping. Helps clean up anything that may be on the perineum.

Oh, I also wipe front-to-back. Don’t want any excrement getting on my anterior genitals. NOBODY told me this. Figured it out on my own.

I also know the space between the anus and the vagina is very small. Small perineum in what I have been gifted with visually observing. Risk of cross-contamination is always there; this goes beyond the scope of this entry.

Most women are not equipped with a scrotum.

So… unless your inner labia is particularly hung, you don’t really have anything to tug on to pull the area taut. How is it possible to wipe your anus cleanly? HOW.

…

HOW DO YOU TAKE A SHIT.

…

To all the women that have taken a massive, gigantic, steaming shit, and been able to wipe up the aftermath…

Slow clap it out.

Gosh, I should invest in a bidet, with how anal I am with hygiene. (Ask my Wife, I always wash my hands.)