The Gold Cartridge. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

I should also have a gold copy of the original LoZ, however this is about Ocarina of Time.

Picture it, Jersey, autumn, 1998. Toys’R’Us.

What. So it’s not Sophia. All the Golden Girls deserve love.

As a medium child, I was beyond excited for the release of Ocarina of Time. Who wouldn’t be? Game is so good, it has been rereleased multiple times. My mom preordered the game from Toys’R’Us. Google-fu says the release date was November 28, 1998. This was going to be a Christmas gift.

That’s right.

I had to wait a MONTH to officially play the game. (We’ll get to the technicality.)

So, we went to Toys’R’Us to pick it up. And we got the box.

Maybe it’s my intuition. Maybe it was the labeling. I felt something was off. I asked my mom if I could open the box to check. I was riding shotgun in the Van.

It was a grey cartridge.

I wasn’t angry. More… disappointed. We had preordered a gold cartridge.

I didn’t have to ask.

She immediately turned around. And went back to Toys’R’Us. And asked to speak to a manager.

Oh yeah, you just read that phrase.

My mom went full-Karen before Karen was even a thing. She went ballistic. She accused them of false advertising. I just stood there silently while she ranted.

As you know, my mom was right. We preordered a gold cartridge. So I don’t think calling it a Karen-moment is necessarily a negative thing. Sometimes Karens are correct in their rage.

She was so loud she silenced the entire store.

Probably a good chance they just stopped arguing with her and gave her the Gold Cartridge to stop the scene.

She went 100% full MamaBear and got her son the one thing he really wanted for Christmas.

In other words, I wonder if I get my bursts of anger from my mom, not my dad. I don’t remember my dad screaming at someone in my defense. Whenever he defended me, it was far quieter.

Yes, there’s an epilogue.

See.... One of the reasons I have harped on small child over her “lies” and “deception” is that she simply isn’t good at it. I pride myself in my honesty. Quote me. “If you always tell the truth, you never have to memorize your lies.”

But, that also works in my favor, as the rare times I’m deceptive.... I can get away with it.

I must clarify: if asked a direct question, I will answer honestly to the best of my ability. (Philosophical treatises have written on what “truth” constitutes - beyond the scope of this entry.)

I pulled off something innocent, and since my mom has passed, I can declassify this. As she’ll never know. If you meet her in heaven, don’t tell her. Well, maaaaybe you can. She might just laugh. (What. I may be atheist and don’t believe in heaven, but she did.)

See, I knew where the box that held the Gold Cartridge was. It was her bottom dresser drawer. The plastic had already been unsealed. (After the debacle, we double-checked the second box.) I took the box downstairs to where the Nintendo 64 was stationed. I carefully removed the cartridge from the box and inserted it into the Nintendo 64.

I was home alone.

I flipped that switch on the Nintendo 64. And I can not put into words the feel of awe as I saw Link leave his little hut for the first time.

I was quite aware of time. Deleted my profile.

I then gently put the Gold Cartridge back in the box, and tucked it exactly where it was in my mom’s bottom dresser drawer. It was wrapped, and I received it as a Christmas present.

Played the FRAK out of the game. So did my mom. Oh, my mom loved played Nintendo. So did my Grandma. Not so much any of the males in my family to their degree. My Grandma beat the original Legend of Zelda with the wooden sword, not knowing about the White Sword or the Magic Sword. Fathom that. She’s the one that had the Dragon Warrior I, II and III. Wouldn’t be so into the Dragon Quest series without her.

I feel what I did was a victimless stunt.

I’m reminded of another stunt I pulled. I was a teenager. I forget exactly why I did it. I think I was just having a morning. I have prided myself in my near-perfect attendance, and got annoyed when I was sick.

Hey, we all just have a morning, right?

So, I faked sick.

See. Small child tried this once on me. All “I’m soooo tired, and soooo sick.” I could so see through her. If she was actually sick? Go rest in bed. If she’s faking? Whelp, go rest in bed I’ll see how long it takes her to crack.

Yeah, she lasted under an hour.

Me, I didn’t crack. I just stayed in bed. And it reached a point of SEVERE boringness. You can only lay there for so long.

Yeah, I never faked sick ever again.

And I wonder. I wonder if my mom was playing 3D chess with me.

Like. What if she knew I was faking, like I knew with small child. And the third option being.... “Go on. Do it. Fake sick. See what happens.”

Either way, I certainly learned my lesson and never faked sick again.

“Why didn’t you just say you needed a day off?”

Yeah, seriously, how many kids say “I don’t want to go to school today.” You can’t explain that away. “Go.” is what you will be told. I didn’t have the articulation for my emotional/mental status at the time, okay?

But I got away with it.

Please clap?

Gosh, if you ever need a partner-in-crime, I’m good. Apparently I am GOOD. As long as it is a victim-less crime. Like the time I drove my Van on the high school track…