The Song Remains The Same in Ultimate Randomness

The downward spiral continues. I suppose I should take heart in the fact that I wouldn't even know how to be a druggie or an alcoholic. I tried the alcohol thing for a few weeks, but my tolerance built up too quickly, and I am far more protective of my bank account than my liver anyway, so when it became expensive, and when the doc told me it would kill the effectiveness of the medication I am on, I stopped, cold turkey. It wasn't tough. Like I said, I am not a good alcoholic. Hell, I am pretty sure I haven't had a drink in a little over two months. And I have never been into the drugs thing, even weed. I think I smoked once. I was an asshole, albeit a funny one, for like two days straight. I said exactly what was on my mind to anyone who was in range of my voice. I would have made a great insult comic for those couple of days. But as with the alcohol, I just have no interest in it. So how does one downward spiral without these things? Apparently, said person just keeps screwing up in the same ways he always has and continually makes his life worse and worse. I mean, school is fucked at this point and I'm not sure whether or not I belong there. Yeah, I'm smart enough, but I don't know if I am good enough for it anymore. Whatever ambition I had to better myself is pretty much gone. In this state, I wouldn't trust me to tutor one kid, let alone teach a class of 25 or 30. Fact is, maybe I am just destined to be a Pizza Hut manager. Working food service seems to be the only thing I have shown any aptitude for where I haven't screwed it up as a result of not being at my best. As for the ex, one of these days, we will probably stop being friends. She has it in her head that I am playing the victim card with her family and that that is why she doesn't get along with them, because they have taken my side. I know for a fact she will never accept that maybe, her mom and sis figured out what she was doing without my help and that is why they are treating her like they are. Of course, it must all be my fault. I will give her her friend. I should never have said anything to her. But none of that really matters either in the end. I am a useless sack of crap and it is my uselessness that causes problems. I really should just take off for her own good. Well, let her get that divorce settled first, then leave. It's not like I want anything out of this. She can have all the stuff as far as I care, including all my stuff. She can sell it or whatever, I really don't care anymore. I won't need any of it where I'm going. Probably just some clothes and maybe something to write on. At the end of all this, I end up alone and away from people, which ultimately is probably what is best for everyone. I doubt it will be that much longer. Summer is coming up. Three months before school starts up again. It would be the best time to just give in and let things play out the way they are supposed to. Cause lets face it, no matter what I do or try to do, my life is always going to get worse and worse until its over. Except that I don't get sick and I don't get hurt. So I will probably live a really long time while everything collapses in on itself. Hell, I might be immortal. If that's the case, I can just hope Highlander is real. There can be only one, and I am damn well going to make sure it isn't me.