Lack of Control. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

More personal observations.

If I pace/meditate on this further, I’m sure I could think of other examples. The easiest ones to elaborate on are food, and masturbation. (This is why there an oxford comma.)

I don’t consider myself anorexic. I think I developed this behavior sometime after 2004. It’s not a constant behavior. Sometimes when I’m having a bad day, I will “challenge” myself to not eat. It’s a combination of having no appetite. And curiosity of when I’d actually eat. Oh, by the end of the day, I would get around to eating. I promise I always eat by the end of the day.

(Though.... sometimes as a teenager I would not eat all day, then binge on Celeste Pizza. Not out of overt sadness. Just lack of appetite? Did always eat breakfast and lunch on school days…)

I’ve had at least four masturbation control Mistresses. As a kink, it can be a bit of fun, elevates the libido. Varies from begging to masturbate, or begging to orgasm, or tease and denial. I think my personal record of denial is about three weeks. I recall that. I thought I could push myself further, but then I confided in my Mistress that I was feeling depressed. She is kind and told me I could take care of myself. Weak orgasm, but definitely had a slow emotional rebound afterwards.

If it needs to be said, regular masturbation/sex is important to maintaining a healthy prostate. If you don’t periodically flush the prostate, it increases your risk of prostate cancer. Not sure if the same is true of the g-spot. (As you obviously know the prostate and g-spot are physiologically analogous.)

Sometimes when I don’t have a Mistress, I “challenge” myself to see how long I can go without masturbating. “Oh, I’m horny. I COULD masturbate.... but I won’t.”

My theory is that these are examples of me trying to exert control when a part of me didn’t feel in-control at all.

:: shrugs :: Still have a whole list of other thoughts I could write out, but one topic at a time.