Security accessories. in Whey and Sonic Screwdrivers.

If you judge me for sleeping with a stuffed animal, you’re a big meanie. (What. I’m deliberately trying to not curse.)

I should note I’ve been sleeping with this one since before wife even left me. She gave it to me years ago. I nicknamed it Wifey Jr as a joke. Though, since the trauma, that name has since fallen to the wayside. Reassociation and such. Don’t have a real name beyond my Security Stuffed Animal.

Thing is, most nights, I don’t even actively think about it. I don’t manifest someone around me to keep me safe every night anymore. Nor do I think “I need my Security Stuffed Animal”. I just do it out of habit. Maybe it’s just how it props the upper arm up. Though, I will note that if I’m on my back, she’s always on my right side. There’s actually a reason for this. When cuddling with human females, I prefer them on my right side if I’m on my back. I have always hated pressure near my heart. Causes me to feel my heartbeat.

You might think that would be a good thing. Beating heart means you’re alive. But me, it makes me worry “What if it stops?” So, I prefer not to feel my heart beat. (It’s a wonder I became a gymrat.)

:: recounts :: Yes, all my major partners have slept on the right side of the bed. It’s a small request they humor.

As for my pink fuzzy blanket, I got that waaaaaaay back in 2004 with a former partner. She has a purple one. That association is long since gone when I wrap pinkie around me. (Okay, I said “pinkie”, but I don’t have an official nickname.) Have slept with pinkie to some varying degrees over the years. When I had Daisy, my recliner, she’d usually be over me, as a barrier against cat claws. But she’s been draped over me every night since the trauma. Just a habit now.

I don’t consider myself a little or a middle. (Little: Someone whose headspace is that off a toddler or child. Middle: Someone with the headspace of a teenager.) I like the.... tactile feel of something against my chest. If it’s something instinctive that makes us feel safe, well, whatever.

Sleep was “okay”, not as good as the previous night’s, but better than getting one hour of sleep. I might need to take melatonin and zzzquil earlier, as I spent some time just laying there, a bit bored. Did toss and turn a bit.

Oh, I think it didn’t help that I woke up yesterday with my right foot hurting. This has happened before. Haven’t banged it against something or twisted my ankle. It will just hurt out of nowhere. It’s the bone in the foot near the end of the tibia that protrudes a little. (Footbones are a pain to memorize - and I’ve taken Kinesiology.) Usually it’s just a dull ache, but when I was trying to sleep it was like a sharp pain that traces up about 3-4 inches up my tibia. Couldn’t find a position last night that eased it, beyond just laying still.

:: shrugs :: Feels better now. I think this is the third time in a few months. I remember this once happened fifteen years ago. Absolutely no reason. Limped around CCM campus, and it passed within a day or three.

Guess I’ll have to switch my leg-tapping to music to my left leg.