Not Yet in The Stuff That's Not Interesting But Is The Most Interesting Stuff I'll Write

This past week I’ve been home sick and it was not good. But an amazing thing happened… at least, I think it’s amazing, too many people seem to think it’s rather morbid, but whatever, Halloween babies are known for their macabre perspective on the world.

I’ve had a sore throat, sinus infection and just general head cold nonsense. Throughout most of this entire pandemic, part of me kind wanted to get the virus and die… not because I wanted to kill myself, but because I really didn’t have any strong desire to live. If my number came up, I wasn’t really going to fight it because I was tired of living. But that was until this week…

You see, I finally bought my ticket to Thailand and I have spent the better part of January getting rid of everything I own and nailing down plans to move to Bangkok permanently. So to be mowed down this close to the finish line of that would be really depressing.

I realized that I will probably be writing a bit more frequently once I’m in Thailand mainly because I won’t have anyone… literally, zero people… so this will probably be the only place I can get everything off my chest. I think it’s kind of like going back to the beginning.

I started writing in May, 1999 but not because I didn’t have any friends, but because I couldn’t tell anyone about how I lost my virginity. There was no one who could keep the secret.

What I find amusing is that as I got older, the amount of people I could actually confide in became smaller and I began writing less. I think that I just stopped focusing on things that were dramatic. When you’re depressed, writing constantly about how depressed you are doesn’t really help alleviate your depression, it just circles your mind back into that depression.

You have to write about something positive, like me wanting to live, and I think that’s going to be where I’m going to go. There’s still a lot of work to go before I actually get on the ground in Thailand, and even more work to be done once I’m there. But whatever, it’s not the end. At least not yet.