I'm doing just fine. in Since OD is shutting down....

It’s been bitter ass cold here due to the artic blast that’s moving through. It’s snowing quite a bit and I’m hoping to be able to go somewhere either later or tomorrow. My Mom didn’t come this weekend due to the snow so my daughter and I are getting rather bored. She’s gonna go to daycare on Thursday because I have my dental cleaning and maybe Friday morning so we can go to the vet if my brother doesn’t watch her.

I will admit it’s been super nice being able to stay home, especially when the weather is just fucking awful. I like not being out in the cold, snow, and wind. I like not having to worry about dying in a car wreck and my daughter being left an orphan just to pay the bills. I’m grateful that I’ve saved my money and spend it as wisely as possible so I can just stay home. I’ve submitted my tax return early so that I have it done and it makes me realize I do need to get a job or I won’t get a refund again.

Once I get through the week ahead with putting the dog down, I’m going to make a serious plan to get a job and hopefully find something where I can still have a life outside of it. I’m just terrified of going through the same shit I did before. I basically wasted 7 years of my life in a job that didn’t appreciate my loyalty and dedication. It’s just crazy to think I gave up every weekend, every holiday, never got a vacation, was mentally and verbally abused, did incalcuable damage to my vehicle and then I have a personal issue where they just don’t put me on the new schedule. Never again.

So, there’s this guy I have been talking to. We stayed up talking on the phone until about 2:30 this morning. He lives a couple hours away and I plan to maybe go visit him. He’s a single Dad, works, and honestly is just a joy to talk to. We were making each other laugh so hard and it was just a lot of fun. I definitely am not looking to date or get into anything serious but it would be nice to have someone just to get to know and see where this could take us. Him and I are both on that same page.

I am just so glad that I’ve left my last job. Sometimes I think about just how miserably, unhappy, and trapped I felt and it still turns my stomach. I was so tired of destroying my body with energy drinks, coffee, and Adderall and the fact that I had to just so I could keep going. The last few months I was there, I really started to think about my freedom and what I wanted for my life and that job wasn’t it. I know that for the first couple of years I had a serious emotional attachment to that place and once that girl fired me, I knew I wasn’t ready to move on but I think it was due to having a car payment and I didn’t want to be without transportation. After all that happened, I made sure to pay my car off and never have another car note or I wouldn’t have been able to leave.

It’s just crazy to think back on how toxic that work place was and how it affected me. I was treated like absolute shit the whole time I was pregnant and things just got worse with each passing manager and how things were just so unreasonable. I remember my car being buried with snow and daycare closing because there would be no travel advised and still be told that I ‘had’ to be there. They also acted like there was NEVER a good enough reason to miss work. I just got so tired of it and dealing with everything I was going through in my private life made me feel like I wasn’t even living anymore.

I was so down and out that I couldn’t see past it. It was hard being a single Mom and having a job that was completely sucking the life out of me. I truly don’t know what got me through it other than the love I had for my child. It was so depressing being out in the dead of Winter where it’s cold, the roads are scary and dangerous, and constantly worrying about a car wreck and possibly not having transportation anymore. I was also pissed that it was just the end of the world if you even called to say you would be 10 minutes late.

It’s been about 6 months now and I enjoy being able to know what it’s like to even sit down and take a deep breath, that’s something I didn’t get to do the whole time I worked there. I didn’t know how to relax or recharge. All I knew was to stress about work and not ever have to time or energy to go unwind. I didn’t know if or when I would ever get to and that really took its toll on me.

Now, I am looking to find a pre-school for the little one. She’s really missing being around other kids. She still goes to daycare some but I would love to find something that’s more educational based and preparing for school. I know her daycare does a fantastic job but I need something more affordable. I would just like to see what I can do so that she can be around kids more and I get a break. She told me the other day that she needs more friends and it definitely hurt my heart. I’m going to make some calls on Monday.