Aunt, again in Journal

she sent me a few quotes to reflect on recently, and then a longer email about her views on my problems.
lol
I responded honestly, of course. In my response, I had a quip, which I should have known she’d take as an insult; yet I cannot censor my own views and reasons for them just to appease her delicate ego. Basically, she was telling me my worries about the future are overblown and come from insecurity. She said that I’m in a very good position, and worrying isn’t going to help anything.
Well. I replied with pragmatism. I pointed out that - sure, I’m worried about what the future brings. And, yeah, I am in a good position compared to most. I ask, though, compared to what? Your standard is not my standard. And, no offense, but I’m just starting out my life and you’re at the end of yours (our age differential is like 40 years).

Immediately she wrote back a few paragraphs about how offended she is that I pointed out our relative positions in life. lol Sheesh.
Why can’t people have a realistic perspective? Why is it so intimidating to refer to something so obviously impactful to this particular conversation- our age difference- the nearly opposite spectrum of our life trajectories? Of course I know the answer to that.
She is immature and takes personally a comment which is merely factual and explanatory.

Again, I shouldn’t be surprised. But my genuine surprise is a tell that I am still not willing to see the reality. I am still idealizing. I truly want and need a mature, benevolent woman in my life.
That sincere need is fogging my perception.

I don’t think that I am done grieving for this.

Last updated January 28, 2021