another week gone in Bittersweet

im pretty convinced my direct manager dislikes me. Its nothing obvious. But things like she stands around and jokes with people but barely looks at me. Or she makes comments on my not being “busy enough”. Its how she avoids speaking to me.
I just get the distinct feeling she dosent like me.
I mean its ok… kinda, but o one else has been the least bit rude to me save the one lady who hates everyone so we dont talk about her. People chat with me. t its like she got mad that i chatted “too long” with a customer when i took her to see the spices and what i used and liked. Or that i dont do this and that. I work my ass off running for minimum wage. It barely makes a dent and im working hard for it. I get over 8k steps a day at work. Im moving a lot, i bring in carts more oten then the teens who work there. And it hurts to do that, im not in great shape and it kills my lungs but i do it. I clean shelves, i washed and sterilized and reorganized every register. We keep product on the table tops. I wash windows. i tock shelves waters sodas snacks.
but i got my ass busted because i DARED to make a rubber band ball while standing at my station stuck on the phone listening to a customer complain. For 20 minutes i placate a irate customer because we dont place phone orders. And the internet is the devil and hes from mississipi and he dosent subscribe to that modern world and all that hubbub. Seriously. No one to cash out so i made a rubber band ball. And get yelled at because i have too much time on my hands i should be cleaning shit. I cant even lean on the counter to take the pressure off my bad foot. And i get yelled at. I get yelled at for clasping my hands in front of me lol. I mean for real? Because clearly im not busy ENOUGH.

I forgot how shitty and stressful retail can be. Im grateful that my next four days include friday saturday and sunday. Except there are always 4 of us on shift those days and that means that there is less busy work for each of us… but overall its busier in the store too. I spent my downtime SLOWLY washing shelves. Removing each canned good and washing it. So that i was “busy” enough.

Im biding time at this point. The manager keeps asking if i want to go full time. I aid yes my first week. Well rather i said ok.But i think she wants me to turn it down. One year till the car is paid off, maybe we can get a large chunk of debt done with our taxes ( and the stupid rebate we didnt get ) And then maybe ill knock it down to 2 days a week haha. so i can keep that discount. Or i quit. Whatever. As long as the debt is paid down, thats all that matters with me working. Once we have the credit cards OR the truck paid off, i wont NEED to work. Maybe by then ill like it and have learned to deal with my stupid manager.

Ok so the thing that bothers me most. The other ladies will be leaning on the register too. Not moving. And they run RIGHT to me and tell me to do something to clean. THAT is what bothers me. Its fine for them all to hang around chatting. But ill get yelled at for it because “im too chatty” So its not that i am angry about having to keep busy, im frustrated at the double standard. I cant have my hydro flask insulated water bottle because its not clear. But no one else was told they HAVE to have clear bottles and two have hydro flasks as well. Thats the kind of thing that frustrates me. Its been noticed by another cashier too that they seem to single me out. Maybe its because im the newest. They say they expect more from me. Excuse me, im minimum wage, just because im in my 30s and NOT a fucking teenager is no reason to expect ANYTHING more then me. Nor is it fair to expect more from me either....

Anyway its my last day off and i gotta go to bed in an hour. I spent the day shopping then working my spinning wheel. Hopefully i can really zonk out hard and get some rest tonight so tomorrow im not so fucking exhausted. Here is to opening and being home by 5 30.