Thoughts on turning 70 in Daydreaming on the Porch

Levity, levity — Oswego’s almost 70.

In just a few short weeks, the date on the calendar I’ve been thinking about a lot the past couple of years will roll around. My 70th birthday will arrive, and there will be no celebrating, just relief and gratitude that I made it to this milestone year despite all the creeping signs of aging and slipping health that come with aging, and the fact that 70 does actually, truly sound old.

“Lordy, Lordy, turning 40” was kinda fun. My co-workers at the newspaper where I worked gave me cards, black balloons with “Over the Hill” on them, and a birthday cake with black icing and RIP in big letters on the flat surface of the cake. It was all in good fun. Haha!!

Turning 50 was a bit more of an aging milestone but again, I laughed off the half century mark, and my then co-workers gave me a big surprise party with lots of gag gifts such as Rolaids,, laxatives and vitamins. I really have been lucky to have great co-workers everywhere I’ve been. Looking back, I’m so grateful to have known so many fantastic people with good senses of humor.

When 60 came around, it was like “ho hum.” I still had six years until retirement and was feeling pretty good. It was also the second year in which I was caregiving full time for Mom, and working full time, too. So I had a lot on my plate besides just getting another year older. True, 60 years old sounded an awful lot like the impending approach of senior citizenship, but it certainly was better than the alternative.

But now the biggest milestone of all is about here for this retired Baby Boomer. In anticipation of the big day, I ordered a very entertaining book last year titled, “Things to Do When You Turn 70.” It’s really entertaining, and I’m going to enjoy it.

By the way, it’s no use pretending I’m anything other than my age. Yes, I have fewer wrinkles than most (it’s an inherited maternal trait), but my full head of
nearly all white hair with hardly any gray hair sort of cancels that out.

When the college kid who comes to work on my yard and garden was leaving the other day, we were chatting for a few minutes and he happened to mention that his dad was 56, as if that was rather old. Then he asked me how old I was. “You’re probably not going to believe this, but I’ll turn 70 soon.” I waited for his astonished reaction, but there was nothing. Just silence. I lashed out indignantly. “Oh, come on. You were supposed to act all surprised.” He was a little embarrassed then quickly reassured me, “Oh, 70s not old!” Uh Huh! So much for that.

Back to the book. One chapter is titled, “70 Thoughts on Turning 70.” I have plucked a bunch of them that I thought were particularly funny or interesting, and then included my reaction to each one.

• When Keats was my age he’d been dead for 44 years.

     True, the great English Romantic poet of the 19th century was only 26 when he died, but life expectancy was much lower back then.

• I still have most of my hair and many teeth.

       Fortunately I have all of my hair and all my teeth.  I grew up watching Martha Rae do all those Polident ads on TV, so dentures were not something I wanted to have!

• In China young people revere the elderly.

     Wow!  Sounds like another planet.

• If global warming isn’t stopped it won’t affect me.

    Now that’s not very altruistic.

• Growing old gracefully is overrated.

     Way, way overrated.  I have the weirdest pains now that I never had before.

• Whatever happened to Pegasus, the flying red horse on Mobil gas signs?

     Or the big green dinosaur on the Sinclair Oil gas station signs?

• I will probably never buy another necktie.

     Fortunately, I had jobs where I never had to wear one.  I always thought they were the most ridiculous and sadistic piece of menswear imaginable, although if I had to I could always pick out a pretty sharp tie for myself! 😌

• I remember when they used Linotype machines to produce newspapers.

    Absolutely.  I remember touring our city’s newspaper plant back in the late 50s, and being in awe of those huge, clunky pre-computer mechanical marvels.

• Still no flying cars like on the Jetsons.

       Sad, but true.  I had such hopes back then to be one day flying around in cars.

• I remember when gas was 25 cents a gallon, coffee a dime, and newspapers and nickel.

      Close.  I remember when gas was 49 cents a gallon, coffee was 15 cents, and newspapers were 10 cents.  I don’t remember when Cokes were a nickel, however.   A dime, yes.  (All this is making me sound horribly old, even to me)

• The tallest guy on our high school basketball team was 6’ 1”

    I was 6’ 2” in 9th grade, and sat on the bench during games the one time I tried out for the JV team.  My self-esteem suffered.

• I earned $1 an hour in my first job with no overtime, and was glad to have it.

      Very similar.  I earned $1 an hour mowing laws in the torrid heat of New Orleans summers when I was a kid, and still just $1 an hour when I was an usher in a movie theater in 11th grade.  At least it was air conditioned and a few dollars actually could buy something back then.

• Tuition was $150 per semester when I went to college, dorm another 780.

      This guy and I really are the same age. My tuition at a state school was $135 a semester and room and board about $600, which I’m pretty sure my parents paid.  I didn’t save up THAT much mowing laws for six years.

• A real friendship is still life’s greatest achievement.

      So true!  Real friends are rare jewels.

• People now routinely address me as “sir” which I kind of like.

      I have to admit I do also.

• Without being fully conscious of it, I never thought I’d be this old.

     It sounds worse than it is, doesn’t it?

🧐

One final thought. The author mentions is that they don’t teach “The Red Badge of Courage” in schools anymore. That’s a real shame and is probably an accurate statement. When I was teaching long ago, I taught that great novel by Stephen Crane for three years and it was one of the best experiences I ever had.

And so it goes. Soon the big day will arrive, and I’ll be ready. That day will be the first day of the rest of my life. I like that.

Last updated January 26, 2021