Work crap in Bittersweet

So im aware im going to sound like a spoiled baby. Because i think it too lol. Im aware, so no need to tell me.

Work is starting to grate on me. 2 months and i know its not a long time. but 2 months of not being able to do whatever i want. Of having to ask permission to use the bathroom of getting yelled at for stupid shit like last night when i showed a customer to an item and then answered her questions and my manager yelled at me for chatting too long. She gave me a calender and wanted me to write down every product expiration date in our department. Every bag of chips and candy and snacks. Every date. ok. I was working on that. my drawer totaled under 250 dollars. I started with 150. I literally deposited 82 dollars. THAT was the sum total of my cash drawer today.

My whine being, my husband is at home all day. My kids are home all day. My mother in law is doing MY job of schooling my kids. And im left out .They go do this or that and then T is like you were there. No husband, i was at work. Thats your MOTHER. It frustrates me to no end the lack of time im having. Im exhusted which makes me unable to spend more time doing the things i want to do. And forcing myself even when i feel dead to go do things i need to.

I know im whining about having to adult but im really bumming on it. T is all we can go do this and that this summer… Yeah when im too exhausted, and still have my critter chores and only two days off to do things. When his schedule is such he can work whenever he wants and not be docked pay. Its hard. Even if life ever “goes back to normal” he wont have to go to work regularly.

I want to stay home and spin and sell my yarns, sell angora wool and raise chickens. I would love to have a sheep or angora goat but like the buns they cost more to raise and care for then it does to just buy the wool lol. But i still want to own them. I would want alpaca if i didnt get hives every time i wore the fiber. But in order to stay home, i have to have enough money. If i can pay off my truck, its 10K till its paid off. And then thats 600 a month saved. If i can pay off my credit line and my care credit, That is another 200 a month. I barely make 1200 a month on a good month haha. So I literally make enough to pay my truck, and my two card payments and my rabbit food. Yes it helps but it dosent feel like it yet. T spent a LOT of money getting his computer up to par. He says for work, but really its just because he wanted it. In the meantime the rest of things have to struggle by or wait. Yeah it was really selfish of him. VERY selfish and im still pissed about how christmas worked out. Now we have to pay off the computer parts as well as regular debt. In the meantime i had to put groceries on the credit card because of it all. Its frustrating and its the reason that i have to work.

Im doing it because i have to, But my baby wants to spend less and less time with me, and i go whole days without seeing her because i get home late and leave before shes up. And when i am awake at home many times she prefers to do something with my mother in law. It frustrates me. I havent picked up my camera in 2 months, i havent painted since before christmas. I havent had much time to do me things. My last days off i spun a lot, and knit a lace snood from my handspun silk lace i did this summer. This time yesterday i made myself a hat and read a book. Today we went for a walk and i finished my hat. Now im going to see if i cant work on something else before i have to go back to work. The issue again is im so tired. SO tired. I never feel rested. I can always nap. Its like my thyroid is worse then ever.

I hoped if nothing else, working would help me loose weight, im on my feet for up to 10 hours. But nothing. Not a damn thing. Im not sleeping well at all. No matter what i do, even taking benedryl because it zonks me. I dont actually feel rested. 9 to 10 hours of sleep and i dont rest? Im frustrated.

I AM seeing a new doctor. I found a headache clinic that does primary care. Shes a nurse practitioner who likes holistic treatments as well as medicine. we had our first appointment via phone and she wanted in my own words a detailed history of my migraines and other health issues. Then she ordered labs which i did thursday. They took 12 vials. She says she prefers to treat a patient from the ground up without input from previous doctors. Which starts with massive blood work. Then next week i go back to talk about a treatment plan for migraines and my thyroid. Maybe take some time off my health issues. I want to talk with her about my bad foot too. I havent walked without pain in 6 years. Its like walking on legos constantly. The pain reaches my knees sometimes. I know i have tendon damage but nothing seems to help stop the pain. So it would be nice to talk with her about it too. Maybe something will get better?

On our walk today, i picked up lake tumbled drift wood to make a wall hanging. Im thinking either like a teir-ed one, or do some weaving and hang from the branches or a wind chime like decor. Either way maybe i can put some of my decorations up in my house seeing my mother in law as soon as she got here began to hang HER stuff through out the house. Which frustrates me big time too. So ive been wanting to do driftwood type hangings for a while now. I seized the opportunity to grab some while at the lake. I think they will work nicely. I also got a neat seed pod for my oddball alter collection of random things nature brings me haha. With my datura seed pod which is spiky. It will match nicely. I like gathering odd things i find. I found a purple rock there too and brought it home. Its whisper thin in some places. It breaks when it falls over. But its a neat shade of purple.

Oh fun things. I found my bottles of dirt. I get glass bottles from michaels or hobby lobby or thrift stores and fill them with different colored dirt. I have black, tan, red, purple, sand mixed with black and grey so far :) I have 3 empties there too so ill ahve to find some other dirt. There are SO many colors of dirt here, And purple rocks haha.

I guess i should get going, its 4 already and i should start dinner soon. And fight to stay awake. I need another nap…