What Addiction Looks Like: In the Form of Lindsay Lohan in Personal Essays

Many of us are very judgmental about addicts. And why is that?

Well, for those of us who have had experiences in trying to help addicts, we can testify to their behavior. First and foremost, many addicts are self-destructors. They want to self-destruct because they hate what they are so much that they will either physically, emotionally, or verbally self-mutilate themselves. There is a time period in their lives where they were unable to cope with deep painful experiences that they've encountered.

Once you've been exposed to those painful experiences, you are going to decide these two choices: You either going to work through your painful experiences and learn how to cope with them and live with them...

Or you are going to indulge in reckless behavior that will ultimately cause you additional pain. If you don't try to stop the added on reckless behavior, then, you will eventually self-destruct...and self-destruction usually leads to death.

This is what it is staring to look like for Lindsay Lohan.

I've followed Lindsay Lohan's career after I saw Mean Girls. Lohan, in my opinion, was brilliant in that film. Tina Fey made the right choice when casting Lohan as the lead. There were great expectations from the film industry that Lohan would evolved into a successful film actress winning many awards.

However, due to Lohan coming from a chaotic and troubling familial background, she was unable to fight her pain family experiences. Instead, to escape, I suspect, she started using alcohol and drugs to numb her deep pain.

Imagine you got a child coming from parents who behave very dysfunctional. Her father was violent towards her mother and used drugs. Her mother has been, it seems, using her daughter to cater to her once dreams of wanting to be a performer and to be famous.

The child actually does become famous for her performances and becomes the breadwinner of the family. Yet, her family's dirty laundry is exposed in the media. and she has to cope with that a very young age. She has to cope with it as child, preteen, teenager, and young adult. And to escape, she turns to alcohol and drugs for it.

Can you imagine also being the breadwinner as a child? I cannot, and I was not. I did not have a job until I was eighteen years old...not month years old.

Can you imagine all your business being on display in the media? For a child, it is a very confusing message. Basically, you are treated like an adult when you aren't ready. Your adult parents are acting like children, and all of this is splayed on television, online, magazines, newspapers, etc.

For Lindsay Lohan, this has been her life for over twenty years. However, there is a time when a child, who grows up into an adult, can no longer unspokenly claim that its their parents' fault, or their environment's fault for creating what they are.

The docu-series that Lindsay Lohan signed on to do, LINDSAY, shows us the state of how Lohan has let addiction control to where she has become her addiction.

This young woman is in serious bad shape. All that was at her finger tips...is now a very distant memory. When I read this morning what she reveals during her two final episodes, it just made me shake my head.

Because I don't really see Lohan putting enough effort to move forward with her addiction and make better choices. She is still an addict--and not a recovering one from what I see. It is one thing to achieve sobriety, and then, have a relapse. It is another thing when you haven't really made actual steps to recover.

A lot of her behavior is self-enabling and making excuses. However, what is really disturbing and what tells me she is really lost and might not come back to reality is how she reveals she had a miscarriage...and how it messed with her head.

However, what is really disturbing is how far she is away from reality. She isn't making the connections that making that sex list and getting pregnant and having a miscarriage is not normal. If anything, it proves how far she is in denial of her addiction. Yes, she can see outside of herself, but she is too far gone to want to put the effort in sobriety. The drugs, the constantly having sex, being late on sets, not working on her craft, and indulging in being on the camera even though it is not displaying any kind of talent (which I believe won't be recovered) is more than tragic...it is pity. I no longer for bad for her. I don't even feel sorry for her. I feel pity for her in not realizing that if this is best effort, well, her best effort fucking sucks.

I am sorry that she had a miscarriage. I know that is a very terrible event many women have gone through, and many women are still going through at this minute. However, to reveal that and the way she reveal, was just disturbing...and pitiful. Out of respect for herself, she should have kept it private.

However, maybe, just maybe, she keeps watching this docu-series, she will have miraculous wake up and realize that she is murdering herself...mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. Yet, I am afraid that she may accidentally kill herself, and she will no longer be with us. Because the destructive path she is on is a death wish she is granting her self. And it is quite sad actually to see that play out on our televisions, in the media, and online.

SMF