I dont talk about faith. in Bittersweet

I dont like to talk about faith. There are so many faiths that having one is just… deeply personal and something that others dont always understand. Which is fine. So i dont talk about faith. But when im being compelled. Something is going on.

Im being compelled, not for the first time in my life. Compelled, called whatever you want to call it. But im being told that i need to do something. Ive heard this calling a few times and i ignore it. I dont talk about it. I look it up and just check it out, but i dont actually DO it. Because its “weird” because it comes with stigma because it would attract attention. But am i going to do it this time? Yeah i think i am. I think its time to listen.

Its funny because i know the history of this action and i see both sides to the modern dilemma with it. but the ins and outs and reality, is something is calling me to do this. So im going to try. It can be just a call me to see if ill do it. or a call me because this is my life now. I dont know. But i guess im going to find out.

Its not like its drastic. Just stigma. But im going to start wearing a head covering. Im not Muslim or any culture that society sees and screams head covering. But historically its gone back to the middle ages and before as a sign of modesty, faith, marriage, piety, and more. Modern people believe it a sign of being repressed, those who head cover say its a sign of freedom. Freedom of expectations. And i can see both sides. Its not repression for me, because im CHOOSING this. And there is a freedom to it.

I wear corsets. I love corsets. Not the sexy kind. But real steel boned corsets. They have amazing back support. recently i watched a video on the history and how in past times there was a shape that people loved. This or that. and they used corsets to get to that shape. IE small waist wasnt by tight lacing, it was by padding the bust and hips to make the waist seem smaller. Or a larger bust was gotten by padding. NOT by breast implants. Now we dont have that “armor” to hide behind. We can only pad our butts or boobs so much. So we do body modification to fit the “ideal” it used to be padding. Now its surgery. Make sense? a corset is a layer to hide behind in a way. A layer of modesty, between you and the world. I wear them for a lot of reasons. I dont tight lace. My goal isnt a 12 inch waist haha. But i agree with a lot of the ideas that we pad to get to a shape that is ideal. Not a size that is ideal. For me, i dont care about size. But i do care about the health benefits of a well supported back and bust. There are SO many myths about it. That woman would remove ribs. That would have ONLY been done by extremists and historically speaking would have died from surgery. Being the muscles attached and the rate of infection. Not like those are free standing. Or getting to a 12 inch waist. Hell historical corsets are less stiff and much more soft then those out today! Today is the extremists. I ordered a new one, it will be here this week.

A few years ago a woman told me that so many woman now a days are so busy trying to fill a mans shoes, they forgot what it was like to wear a womans shoes. A woman can be both soft and hard. But we tend to forget we are allowed to be soft. She only wore skirts as a way to remind herself that shes a woman and shes allowed to be soft. It stuck with me. I love wearing my skirts. I wear floor mopping skirts. Those are ones that hit the floor and often pool. They are about an inch longer then “needed” for my height. I love those skirts. I wear them typically in chiffon or other loose gauzy type fabrics. I used to have wool ones, but i havent found any in my size haha. I sew them from jersey knit, or ill buy them. Either way, it is a reminder that a woman is allowed to be soft. Im working to get back to that. I cant wear a skirt at work. Its not allowed. I mean if i come in with the religious aspect. Perhaps, But im not going to push it. I wear leggings under them anyway. But i CAN Wear my corsets and headwraps. So im going to. and im going to get a lot of questions. Im going to get a lot of snide comments about repression and being forced to do this and that. But the reality is. This is ALL my choice. This is the truth of being a feminist. I can CHOOSE what is best for myself, choose what im being called to do.

I dont expect anyone to understand. Least of all the husband who kinda looked at me like im growing a second head for fun. He said ive never shown any indication. But the reality is. looking back. I have. When i was a teenager with long hair. I always wrapped it up into a bun then put a cover over the bun. No its not a full head covering. But i ALWAYS wore my bun clips. That is hair covering. I would wrap scarves around my head and tie them under my hair. Thats head covering. I would wear slouch hats pinned to my head and put my hair inside. Thats head covering. Its not all hijabs or full scarves. There are other degrees of covering. Ive been doing this for years and im only now acknowledging that its something im being compelled to do. He just kinda said mmmm and mumbled something and thats that. Not like his opinion on this makes a difference because its me. Any more then my opinion on his hair makes him cut it one way or another. I like it long, he likes it short haha.

So im going to start small. Im going to work on making myself some snoods i can tie my hair back in and see if that solves my feelings. If thats it, then that is it. If not, ill continue to find the way to make it feel like im doing what im supposed to be doing. :) And to be fair. I have a lot of my hand spun yarns i can use to make myself some snoods and slouchy hats i can wear to contain my hair. Frankly my hair isnt quite to my shoulders yet since shaving it off last year. So it should be fine. The real problem is i dont have any hats i love right now that i can wear every day. I have some that are ok. But not any i love. So i gotta get on making them. IN between my work hours. Or it would be a lot easier.

Speaking of. I better get ready to go :) Another day another over worked and under paid retailer job.